CONVERSATIONS-20

 

Pops, kya baat hai? Bahut kushi nazaar aa raha hai! Lottery lag gaya kya?

...

Mittoo, believe me when I say that for the first time, I saw the EV charger in our society being fully occupied. 

Where?

Opposite Tower 9. Not the Parking side. The other side.

Samaj gaya, pops! Lekin, what are you trying to say?

Do you agree that our previous society in Greater Noida never had a EV charger facility? Yes, I never saw any EVs in the two-storied underground parking there. 

Yes, papa!

So, when we moved into Gurugram six months ago, the first thing I noticed was the EV charger infra near the gate and elsewhere within the society. 

Mittoo, till yesterday, I never saw any EVs getting charged. Late yesterday evening, I saw one EV charging! I also notice several EVs parked in the underground parking. Desh badal raha hai!

Do you mean say, Pops, we started buying EVs?

What do you mean by, "We?"

Be careful, dad! Don't forget I am your sounding board. You discuss openly many of your dilemmas and challenges with me. Not today. Not yesterday. For the past 15 years. Therefore, that's what I call, "We."  If you demur and don't treat me like your equal, I will become Narendra Modi on poll results eve. I will go silenT. Ready? 

Hmm.

I know ego does not permit (you) accept me as your equal. Don't insult. That's enough.

Don't bloody climb onto a high horse! Mera saath reha kar, you learnt a lot. You were just a bird. Today, gyaan baat tey ho! Anyhow, apologies for that tone. 

You're a blow hot, blow cold type. Okay, finish your coffee. It's getting cold! Afterwards, you will scream that mama has given you cold treatment! 

Forget it. Why this EV theme this morning, you may be wondering. Let me explain.

Sure, dad! Go ahead.

I was reading last night before going to sleep something about EVs in the Indian context. Particularly about the consumer behaviour. 

I did not notice. I went to sleep a little early last nite. The last thing I heard was didi on a conference call with someone. 

Three professors have written a research paper on "Heterogeneity in Electric Vehicles: Indian Consumer Preferences". By the way, I read the abstract, not the full report. 14 pages, I think. 

Who are these pros?

You're a curious cat!

Uff. Me, no cat! I am Parakeet. Parrot. Alpha Male, FYI. 

The lead author is Rajeev Ranjan Kumar from the Operations Management Department, IIM-Ranchi! 

The same Ranchi - MS Dhoni hometown. Right? 

OMG! Dhoni is more or less retired. Remember Rishab Pant, the wicket keeper-batsman, now in the US for the T20 World Cup representing India? He's also a Ranchi-an!

Okay, baba! Who else? I mean besides the RR Kumar? You said three...

Patience, beta, patience! Second author is Alok Raj, from XLRI, Jamshedpur. Third is Prateek Sharma, IIM-Udaipur.

The same IIM-Udaipur you keep talking about Prof Janat Shah whom you refer to as the father of Green Logistics?

Must tell you, Mittoo, you've an elephantine memory! Yes, the same institution.

Dad, tell me how these three authors working in three different locations collaborated on this research paper? 

Everything is possible in this Internet age. You can collaborate with anyone anywhere in the world. Heard of Google Drive. Or document sharing apps? 

Got it. Tell me what these threesome say about Indian mindset on the topic of EVs.

This is what they found...

"Consumers place more emphasis on the purchase price of EVs rather than the annual savings accrued from EV usage. 

Additionally, we observe that risk-averse behaviour is negatively, while social influence is positively associated with the consumer's likelihood towards EVs. 

We categorize consumers into three segments: “conservative”, “indifferent”, and “enthusiast”, to explain the heterogeneity in their preferences based on the charging station availability, annual usage, and household income. 

The study reveals that consumers in regions with fewer charging stations or those with low vehicle usage are more risk-averse compared to those in regions with a higher density of charging stations or higher vehicle usage. 

Regarding demographics, younger consumers and those with prior car experience are more inclined to adopt EVs."

Good. Bas itna yi hai? 

Mittoo, to read the full report, you have to pay. Ready to shell out? 

 Check out HERE...

Ok.  By the way, have you seen the latest Morris Garage (MG) EVs TV promo? 

What a question to ask? I watch everything you watch on the OTT platforms daily between 12 noon to 7 pm. In that TV promo, father and son discuss the range anxiety angle and the son pacifies his agitated father saying there are 6000 EV charging stations across India. Do you believe that number, dad?

It does not matter whether I believe or not. Potential buyers desiring long routes of beyond 200km in a single charge should worry. All said and done, the EV infra is nothing to gloat about. Not only in India. Even in the US and Europe. Tonnes of money required to build such a huge infra for EV adoption. 

You mean like the petrol pumps everywhere?

Absolutely. That's why many oil marketing companies are provisioning EV charging facilities at their outlets in association with EV infra build players. 

Will your Highway Jottings series cover these EV infra angle?

Of course, Mittoo. Wait for some time.

What are you waiting for?

Waiting for the coronation of Narendra Modi as Prime Minister for the third consecutive time over the next a week or 10 days! 

Are you sure?

A stupid question to ask. Never ask. Kabardaar!

I am keeping my fingers - oops! I mean toes crossed. 

Tring...Tring...

Chalo, Mittoo.... Can I take this call? 

What a question to ask? It's your home. Your phone. Do as you wish! 

Let me join Modi in his meditation yatra. Remotely, that is. Bye, bye, Papa!

Conversations-19

Oh My God !
 It has been seven years since the last posting.
Zack gone.
Greenie gone.
... 
But life has not been empty.
Instead of Zack and Greenie, now I have Rambo and Kurkure.
Rambo, my pet dog son
Kurkure, my pet parakeet son 


We have been talking for the past three years...
But off the record.

Now, we will commence on the record...

 

Conversations - 18

Welcome back, dad.

Hi, Greenie. Thanks.

How was your trip to Rampur, dad?

Hmmm. Great.

Must have been hectic, no?

Sure.

Can I ask you a question, dad?

Why not?

By any chance ...

Go ahead, Greenie.

By any chance, did you remember me at anytime during this trip?

Haha... Honestly, no.

What?

Yes. The answer is: no. ... Sorry. It was not intentional that no thought about you crossed my cranium.

What's cranium, dad?

Relax. I mean my mind.

Greenie did not figure in your thoughts, dad?

Your understanding is perfect, Greenie.

Why? I mean you did not think about me?

Dunno.

Did you think about your wife and daughter?

Yes.... That's because ...

No explanations, please dad.

Look. Please try to undersand. They kept calling me or texting me.

What's texting?

Texting means they were sending messages on my phone.

You mean "SMS'ing, dad?

Oh mi god, you know SMS.

Sure, dad. Had they not texted or SMS-ed you, you won't have remembered them, dad?

Maybe.

You're bad, dad.

Greenie, you sound like my wife. After every trip outside Delhi, she poses two questions: Did you remember us?....

What's the second question, dad?

What did you eat?

Oh.

Most of the time I am tired of both these questions.

Why, dad?

Simple. I eat more or less the same food. Roti, dal, green sabji as salad. Sugarless tea or coffee. 99% avoid sweets. 99% no to liquor.

Are you a saint, dad?

No. No. Bit of self control due to health conditons. I love food.

And what about the first question?

You mean that part about 'remembering them"?

Yes, dad.

Greenie, mostly I totally get engrossed in my work and no space to remember them. But I do remember them occasionally. I avoid this trap because the thought about them disturbs me - emotionally. I want to pack up and return home when I think about them.Then this disturbs my work. I don't like that.

There must have been a lot of greenery all around you during your recent trip to Rampur...

You said it. Rampur is situated 120 kilometres away from Simla. Full of deodar treets and green valleys. Recent heavy rains had turned the entire stretch into a verdant valley.

What's 'verdant'?

Green, greenie. Like your body colour.

Still you did not remember me?

Come on. You've also become emotional. Not remembering you does not mean I don't love you. I love you immensely, darling.

What's darling, dad?

YOu're apple of my eye, Greenie.

You're very confusing. Green first, then darling. Now apple of my eye. What is apple got to do with eye?

(Tring, Tring)

Dad, your phone is ringing.

Give a sec.

Take more time, dad.

(A few minutes later)

Greenie, I have noticed something in you.

What?

Your colour is changing.

What do you mean, dad?

You are not 100% green. Some portions of your body is turning yellow.

....

Are you like chameleon which changes body colour as protection against predators?

....

Okay, okay. You change your body colour to hide away from your enemies?

Now you make perfect sense. In a way, yes. Now I live in your home - not in the green bushes or tree tops or green grass bed. Most of them, I hang around your washbasin or the water tap. I myself surprised that I have not lost my green-ness.

If you wish, I can take you out for a walk, Greenie.

That's a nice one. Going for a walk with a grasshopper? Am trying to imagine that scene...

What's wrong? Mind you, there will no leashes. You will fly or hop on your own. I will walk along side.

Very imaginative, dad. Let me sleep over the idea and come back.

Sleep over, Greenie? You're fast catching up.

What?

Nothing.

Dad...

....

Dad?

...

I think he is totally lost perhaps thinking about our proposed walk. Dad? I know he is reliving his morning walks with Zack..... Memories are not good. Look, how it is turning dad distraughtful. If there are no memories will it be good? Everyday if
memories are flushed out, how life will be?

Dunno. I have to ask him. Later, not now.

He's totally lost.

(To be continued)

Confessions - 1

Haha!

Yes, I feel like laughing.

Jus' a sec.

Haha! Haha!

Am not at all surprised that they already sense that I am Zack reincarnated.

Yes, I'm Zack in grasshopper format.

I love these folks really. They genuinely care for creatures other than their own folk.

I knew from the past that they used to have two birds - Tina and Meena.

I was the most pampered Lhasa Apso perhaps in my past life.

On my exit from this world as Zack, I had a dialogue with my Maker.

"Lord, I must return. And I will return to this family only," I pleaded.

When I was questioned, I explained my rationale.

The choice was: dog or cat. But I knew they did not like cat because they consider cats to be lazy. Dog, they may not because the trauma after my exit was too much for them to handle. Moreover, they may not have time to manage a puppy since all are busy with their career.

What's left?

Any entry into their household has to be subtle. And vegetarian-oriented because they are. '

That's when, I saw a grasshopper waiting in the queue for an audition with the Maker.

Grassshoppers, in a way, are vegetarians. They live on leaves.

"How about grasshopper?" I asked.

The Maker has no problems in granting my wish.

Once this issue is sorted out, the rest fell in place.

The peepul tree just outside this family's flat, the presence of monkeys and the broken washroom window near the peepul treet everything was green in my memory.

Next, was how to attract attention? I began singing in the night. Dad's spouse noticed the "noise" and conveyed to all.

I knew instinctly that the daughter would respond quickly.

She incidently did. Once she has seen me, I knew it will work.

The next three days she kept visitiing the washroom to check out my presence.

Three days ago, she told Boss that the grasshopper ought to be the reincarnation of Zack.

He fell for it. Very emotional guy. Remember he cremated me with Hindu rituals: burning of my physical body at the ghat and then immersing the ashes and bones in the Ganges two months ago!

Mind you, am not going to reveal the truth: as in I am Zack reincarnation.

My objective is to bring back cheer and happiness in their lives.

How long, I don't know.

But as long as my licence to live lasts.

The ball is in the Maker's court.

Till then, let there be happiness.



Check out the previous two patches to get into the groove, folks:

http://zack-a-talk.blogspot.com/2010/10/conversations-17.html

http://zack-a-talk.blogspot.com/2010/10/conversations-16.html

Conversations-17

Another day, I suppose. Someone is walking towards my room.

My room ... Of course, it is my room. I spend more time in this place than anyone else.

That old man visits only once in the day. That girl - his daughter - came only once. Rest of the time, this place belongs to me.

Oh, here he is.

"Hello, how are you?"

I will surprise him later. For the moment, I will keep quiet.

"Oh, someone fed you with money plant leaves. Good. Sorry, it did not occur to me that you would be hungry.You believe ir or not, my wife says that you must be the new reincarnation of Zack. Know why?"

"Because she says whenever she has approached, you always jumped at her and tried to terrorise her. Haha! Well, that is what Zack used to do to her. Though she fed him and bathed him, his love towards her was marginally on a lower side. Don't know why. He was ecstasic with my daughter and respectful towards me. My wife must have done something that must have annoyed Zack.

"Now that you have spent a week plus, I will google to know more about food habits and get you what you cherish, Okay, dear?

"Of course, you can do that, Dad."

What? .... What did you say? ... You spoke? Huh?

Yes, Dad. I can speak. Your daughter and myself had a little conversation this morning. ..

Wow. Is that so?

Yes. She called me Greenie. What does it mean, Dad?

You call me "Dad"? Haha! Zack used to call me 'Boss".

Dad, I can call you "Boss", if you wish.

No, no. Dad is fine with me, Greenie. Your new name 'Greenie" means that your colour is 'green' - like the colour of fresh leaves.

Okay.

Are you a male or female?

What does that mean?

Let me put it this way... You lay eggs and hatch like all female species do? Or you do the manly thing?

I don't lay eggs. That is not my act. There are others in our family who manage this.

Then you must be a male. Welcome, Greenie!

You're a male? You don't lay eggs, dad?

Nope. Not at all.

Okay.

Are we the first human beings - I mean, like us - you are getting friendly with?

Yeah. Dad, you surprised me on day one.

What? Surprised? I?

Let me explain. Lot of human beings - smaller than Miss - your daughter - humiliate us.

How?

They catch and tie a string and as we fly, they pull us back. Some of my family members have died out of exhaustion or physical disintegration. Or getting crushed under human feet since we lost the ability to fly after wings got clipped.

So sad..

Otherwise, we are kept in glass jars and observed by some big people like you.

You mean in laboratories?

I don't know. But neat places, but smelly again - like this place.

Sorry. I will get this place cleaned up quickly so that you have no complaints.

Thanks, Dad. Coming back, you're the first person to look into my eyes, smile and began talking. Like we do in our own community. That's when I felt comfortable and knew in my heart that you won't harm me.

Thanks, Greenie. ...

Otherwise, I would have flown away had I smelt danger in the first instance, Dad.

Not all people are bad. Some are, no doubt. Am sure even your community may have such elements...

What's elements?

Fuggedit. Grasshoppers like you.

Yes.

How did you come into my washroom?

Ah... That's interesting. I was munching peepul leaves just outside this window. Suddenly a monkey came from nowhere and I tried to fly away from danger. In the process, I saw a hole in the wall and scooted in. Don't know what happened. When I opened my eyes, I saw this place.

Are you injured?

Injured?

I mean, are you hurt in any part?

No. Am perfectly fine. Just hit the wall forcefully and got swooned, I reckon.

Okay. Relax.

Dad, why you come to my room only once a day?

Your room? haha! Yes, your new home!

Home?

Where you live is your home.

Okay.

A home or house consists of seveal rooms for different activities. There is living room, where we sit during daytime. There we also eat. So it can be our dining room also. Then there is bedroom where we sleep in the night. Then there is washroom or bathroom where we take bathe, wash clothes and clean our bowels.

What's cleaning bowels means?

Greenie, you creatures can dispose off waste in public - anywhere, anytime. We have been trained not to do that. Maybe we also did that in public in the past. Now we go into a washroom or bathroom to empty our bowels. Whatever food we eat gets digested and the waste is pushed out of our body. Am I clear?

Yes, dad.

That's why the visit to this room is limited. We don't live here, you know?

Our lifestyles are different, Dad.

Why don't you move onto my worktable and stay there? You will be more comfortable there, Greenie.

Worktable?

The place where I sit and write.

What is writing?

Uff. Fuggedit. You will learn, Greenie. Come with me now!

Are you sure, Dad, you want me there?

I have no problems. Let's go.

(To be continued)

Conversations-16

Thanks, Miss!

What for?

You're feeding me. I have been starving for the past week. You're kind enough.

Oh, ho... Don't be silly.

No, Miss! You're really kind.

Hmmm...

Do you really believe in reincarnation, Miss?

What?

Reincarnation.

Why do you ask?

The old man who visits this washroom every morning, keeps muttering, "I know you're Zack. Now you've come back as a grasshopper".

You mean, my dad?

Is he your dad?

Yes. Did he talk to you about Zack?

Sure. But who's Zack? By the way I can see your eyes too light up. Is Zack someone special?

You said it, Greenie! Zack was our life...

Was?

Yeah, he ... Zack was our pet dog. He died two months ago due to sudden illness. Our family is trying to come out of depression caused by his untimely demise..

Am sorry, Miss!

Eat first. We will talk later.

Does not matter, Miss. I had a few bites already. NOthing to worry. I will eat leisurely.

Greenie... Do you mind if I call you 'Greenie'?

What's there in a name? Call me anything. I am a grasshopper and your naming me does not alter anything.

Thanks, Greenie. You used the word, "reincarnation". What do you know about this? How did you come to know this terminology?

Good question, Miss. Your dad, over the past seven days has spoken a lot on this. Someone dies and he and she returns to earth again giving a lot of signs that the soul is the same old one, but the body is new.

Wow...

Do I make sense, Miss?

Of course. Go ahead.

That's all, Miss.

What's your plan like, Greenie? What I mean is do you plan to stay longer here? Are you comfortable? If you wish, I can move you to my room. Your wish.

Well, I have been here for a week. A bit smelly. I love a bit of loneliness and this washroom is fine with me. Coming back to your question, how long I stay depends a lot of what is destined. I have no idea. If I feel like, I may fly away through that broken window - through which I came in the first place. Nevertheless, I will not go away immediately.

Thanks, Greenie. Any particular food you have in mind? Let me know. I can fetch.

Cool, Miss. Am comfortable with fresh leaves. That's what you fed me a few moments ago.

Good. Let me catch up with you tomorrow since I have classes to attend. Ciao!

What did you say?

Ciao. That means, I am going out. Will meet you and later. Okay?

Okay.

Take care, Greenie.

How to respond to that, Miss!

Say, "Have a nice day!"

Have a nice day, Miss!

Thank you, Greenie!

(To be continued)

Letters to Zack - 1

Dear Zack,

How are you? is a stupid question to ask someone who has shifted his earthly residence to the heavenly one a few days ago. After all, am a human being - full of follies. Pardon me, dear.

Did you meet Priya's elder brother who has reached there a few weeks ago? Priya tells me that he loves to play around with little fellas like you...

Whom all you met on the way to the Other World, Zack?

How silly of me... You just reached There and you need time to know, understand and familiarise with others. Am demanding info like a news junkie!

By the way, this morning I stepped out at the usual 4 a.m. for the walk. The only differnece was that you weren't there. I told myself that I would keep my emotions under check and will not think about you at all..

I failed miserably. My eyes went to every single lamp post and stationary car wheels - your pee-zone - on the hour long walkathon.

The roadside paper vendors, the ICICI ATM security guard, the half-sleep auto drivers near Mehrauli bus terminus and even the Blue Line bus drivers and cleaners taking bath near Delhi Jal Board is still unaware of your exit from this world.

As in the past, I kept talking all through the route. Instead of verbally roughing up those who have roughed me in the past 24 hours, I was trying to keep engaged in a conversation with you. As usual, sweet nothings.

You never responded in the past. So today was no different. You did not respond. The only difference is that you weren't here. How far away, I don't know.

You will be glad to note that Authorities are relaying the road leading up from T B Hospital to Qutub Minar. The work is still on. Buses that used to be halted there overnight across the Delhi Jal Board are kept on the road leading to Gurgaon.

I again stopped at the Adchini/Saket signal where we usually take a u=turn. And my legs automatically came to a halt at the lamp post where you used to lift your legs to pee -though your bladder is empty by then. Habits die hard, no?

The scantily clad mannequins at Kimaya look through the half-shut Venetian blinds and the security guy outside Karma @ Sabyachi next door is deep asleep. I can hear his snoring.

Daybreak is on. See more morning walkers with walking stick. Paunch belly. Shorts. Canvas shoes. Huffing and puffing. No dogs so far in sight. Again no children yet at the Bus Terminal waiting for their respective school buses with their mum or dad in toe.

I am in control. Unwept so far. As I climb the four storeys to our earthly abode, I feel your absence suddenly. Still am iin control. OPen the door and enter the house. Wife is in the kitching brewing coffee. I walk into the washing room to brush. You always came in to get your feet and mouth washed with the sprinkler. The sprikler is lying there attached to the tap. Eyes well up. I cry loudly, forcing wife to come to console me.

My cup of karela juice is ready. I gulp in two swigs. It does not taste bitter because your death was more bitter. Why have you done this to me, God?

On the banks of Ganges

"Dad, take a look at this."

It was quarter past 12 noon and I was sitting on the banks of Ganges in Haridwar. The swirling water was muddy, but full of current.

I looked at the 3-cm long bone piece my daughter extended towards me. I reached out to touch.

It was warm still. Perhaps from the heat that devoured the hair and skin over several hours of burning at the Sai Ashram near Chattarpur Mandir the previous day.

I could not decipher from which part this bone piece came from.

There were no tears. I was dumb. I held the unburnt bone piece for a while before returning. With three of her friends in tow, Krutika quietly dumped the bag containing Zack's last remains (bones and ashes) into the Ganges, the sacred river of India. A dip in this river is beleived to relieve one of all his/her/its sins and provide liberation from guilt or whatever.

Surprisingly, my daughter was keeping her cool. But I was emotionally broke. The 225 km long drive from Delhi to Haridwar was engulfed in me breaking down uncontrollably while at the steering, causing alarm to fellow passengers including my wife, daughter and three of our friends crammed into the yellow Wagon R.

Messages kept pouring in from friends both who have known Zack and those who have heard about him through my constant reference to him in my blogs. No conversation would be complete for me without some reference to Zack. He was my lifeline. He was my stress buster.

With him happily ensconsced over the dashboard, we had travelled to Jaipur umpteen number of times to visit Lokendra Singh, a family friend and ex colleague. On Tuesday also he travelled in the same car but in 'ash' form. His last journey with us.

Wife is concerned over the safety of all of us in the swirling Ganges. Zack's ashes and bones have already been swept away by the current.

I entered the water and took three dips. The same thing which I did for my mother at the same place but a few hundred metres away. That was way back in 1996 - 14 years ago.

I felt the same amount of sadness as I had felt when immersing my mother's ashes. Grief choked my throat. Was unable to breathe or inhale and eyes welled up blurring vision further. I successfully hid my tears from wife and daughter by quieting deciding to push my face into the water and stay for a while.

We embank, change clothes and commence the return journey. We deliberately avoid talking about Zack. At half way mark, we halt for lunch. That's when Arup Chanda, another ex-colleague and a lover of dogs (his own pet died a year ago in Delhi), calls up to know the status.

He has been one guiding me on once Zack has breathed his last. "Hold back. Don't break down," he advises. Like a tiny tot from whose hands its beloved toy has been snatched away a few moments ago by another person, I weep uncontrollably.

Wife joins to assuage me. The passengers try to cheer me up in vain.

I remain silent till reaching Delhi border.

Back home, it is emptiness. As I open the door, I break down again. Zack, that used to rush out to greet me, is no longer to repeat that act. It will NEVER happen.

Daughter has gone to see off her friends and wife consoles me again.

I look at the leash lying in the corner. I look at the bowl. I look at the white plastic ball near the shoe rack. I look at the small mat. I look at the paper bags with Pet food written in bold letters.

I must tell my daughter to paint a huge canvas of Zack and mount it. On second thoughts, I decided not to. I must forget him as early as possible. Otherwise, I will be in perpetual hell.

It is the same trick I did to overcome my mother's death 14 years ago. I removed every conceivable object that would remind me of her in my surrounding. Cruel? Not at all.

She lives in my memory. Likewise, Zack will.

Goodbye, Zack!

Conversations-15

Hey, wassup?

What do you mean, 'wassup'? Am okey, Boss.

No, no. You seem to be in the seventh heaven, Zack.

You mean like you when you pick up your copy of MUSCAT DAILY every morning at some petrol pump or other.

Stop. Don't be sarcy.

Why are you getting irritated, Boss? Am I saying something short on truth?

Ok, ok. Tell me, why are you so happy, Zack?

Come on. What's wrong with you? Why can't I be happy once in a while, for Godssake.

Enough of this non-sense, Zack. Tell me, na...

Okey. Since you're a curious cat ... hope you don't throw a fit for me calling you a cat..

Stop this drama and spill the beans.

Boss, you're a serious nut, with apologies.

Why do you say that Zack?

Enough of this high-strong words: GDP, fiscal deficit, oil dependency, exchange rate fluctations. Cat crap.

Wat's wrong, Zack?

Will you permit me to continue?

Yes. Go ahead.

Why don't you look beyond serious stuff in newspapers? Say like crossword puzzles, cartoon sketches, cookeries, filmi stuff etc.

Come to the point. Why this long sermon? Explain the rationale behind your happiness.

Boss, did you notice that there are three cartoon strips in today's dailies that carries some my fraternity stuff?

You mean cartoons featuring dogs?

Mind your language.... Give respect and take respect, Boss.

What's so great about these doggy ... sorry .... strips?

Boss, did you see?

Nope.

You better.

Some other time.

You better now.

Ok, ok.







Boss, which one you like the most?

Hmm.. this one.

You mean, Boss, the Muscat Daily one?

Yes. You're right.

I know even before you opened your oral trap.

Zack, you're insulting. Acting smart - like that Boss at ... Fuggedit. . He will be insulted if I utter his name.

Come on, come on, Boss.

Stop egging me, Zack. You know me. Why do you say my pick will definitely be Muscat Daily cartoon strip only?

Boss, because for you Muscat Daily is THE best daily in town.

Do you have reservations on that assessment, Zack?

Your friends are laughing at you... Know why?

Why?

Becoz, they say you're angling for a job in Muscat Daily and hence canvassing positively. Ha ha... Sorry, Boss.

Rubbish. I have a reason for picking that cartoon. Forget about others what they say. Is my choice - about the Muscat Daily cartoon strip featuring one of your cousins - acceptable to you or not?

Can I tell you something, Boss?

No preambles, Zack. Go ahead.

For once, we are in sync. We share same ideas. You've matured a lot of late - particularly after getting roadrailed by that gang at ...

Stop, Zack.

Boss, I also like it for the simple reason the Muscat Daily strip shows us - I mean my tribe - as intelligent beings. We can read between the lines like you, homo sapiens.

Good. I felt the same, Zack.

The other two - in Times of Oman and Oman Tribune - make me sympathise with my folk. Shows us in poor light. Boss, understand. We also have - what you call 'ego'.

Understandable, Zack.

Thanks, Boss.

Don't mention.

Good to hear proper English after a long time.

What?

Usually you used to respond with 'No mention'. Now, you said 'Don't mention'. Right usage.

My foot! You teaching me English?

What's wrong? Learn from every quarter. Be open minded.

Ok.

One small request, Boss.

Shoot.

Tomorrow onwards, I will not join your morning walk.

Why? You're hale and hearty.

I simply cannot stand you hopping from petrol pump to petrol pump at 4 in the morning looking for Muscat Daily. As if your survival for that particular day hinges upon you grabbing a copy of that new babe.

Zack, you'll never appreciate good things in life quickly. It takes time for such things to sink in.

You're getting emotional, Boss.

No, no, Zack. It's perfectly fine with me. I have been walking even before you came into my life. I will continue even after you refuse to escort me. ... No big deal.

Excuse me! I don't escort you. We walk together... In fact, I lead you, Boss!Follow me?

Get lost, Zack!

Conversations-14

You seemed to be very happy, Boss. Wassup?
Nothing, Zack.
No, no. I know. You're supremely ... blissfully... glad.
Am I not supposed to be happy and smiling, Zack? What's wrong with you?
Nothing, Boss. But your composed behaviour makes me wonder...
Look, Zack, let me clarify. This has nothing to do with Congress's performance in the elections.
Boss, aren't you jumping up and down on the results day becoz your favourite party was romping home in style and I cannot forget your smugness like your favourite party..
You definitely is anti-Sonia, Zack.
Cool, Boss. You're jumping to conclusions. I am neither anti-Sania...
Not Sania. Sonia, dear.
Sorry, I cannot call her dear Sonia. She's not even Indian...
Stop that nonsense. Even you're not Indian. Tibetan, Lhasa Apso. We respect you. We love you. As much as we respect Sonia and ...
Love her too?
Joking, no, Zack.
Ok, Boss. Tell me wassup? Why you are so happy?
Look, honestly I am happy becoz oil prices started going up.
Ohmigod! You're anti-Indian.
Shutup, Zack! Am not anti-Indian or anything. Remember the boom period we watched as oil shot up to 147 dollars for one barrel? There was all around prosperity. Everybody was dancing. China was chugging along well. India was jumping as you said up and down. Arjun Murthy was predicting 200 dollars.
Who's Arjun Murthy? Infosys Narayana Murthy's son or cousin?
My foot! Arjun is a global investment analyst with Goldman Sachs who had predicted oil price would touch 147 dollars much before it happened. He was a seer. ..
Then, what happened to his 200 dollar forecast? Why did not happen?
Why asking me? Ask him, na?
Boss... Use your common sense...How can I?
Shucks... Zack, I am convinced it may happen.
Boss, you mean oil going back to last July levels?
Yeah... in a way.
What do you mean?
Yes, there is a worldwide recession. Agree?
I do,Sir!
US in deep shit. Europe too. China. India. Gulf...
You mean the Persian Gulf --- Saudi, Qatar, Abu Dhobi...
Not Abu Dhobi... Dhabi... Yes.
Every govt is pumping in shiploads of money to revive their economies. Agree?
Of course, Boss. Though there are thin traffic on roads. More parking space in Nehru Place parking lot...
What's Nehru Place parking lot got to do with you?
You only were telling someone over phone that parking attendants were literally dragging you two days ago to park your car in Nehru Place - even though you were NOT driving anything....
Keen observer, Zack, you're.
Thank you, Boss. All your training. You only taught me to keep my eyes and ears open all time. Ohmigod. Am losing track of my thoughts... What was I saying?
Recession... Govts pumping huge money to revive economy etc etc.
Thanks, Zack. Know why, Zack?
Why what?
Why they are investing so much money?
To save their backs... as you only told me.
Yeah. 100 per cent correct. If US economy does not revive, Obama baba can forget about a possible second term. American voters will send him packing in 2013. Can the 44th US President afford to do that?
No ways, Boss.
Take China. Loss of export market in US and Europe has already led to a large scale retrenchment.
What ... ment?
Retrenchment... meaning throwing people out of job because there is no money to be made and not sure when things will improve.
Like it happened to you...
Think you are smart, Zack, no?
What did I say that hurts you and talk sarc-ky?
You know what I mean. By the way, what is the meaning of sarc-ky?
Sarcastically, Boss.
Ok, ok. We're talking about China. Retrenchment on the one hand and huge purchase of US T Bills.
Tea Bills? Why China should buy American tea?
You dumbo. China has been buying billions of dollars worth of American Treasury Bills. Which are almost worthless today. If China won't buy, who will buy?
Boss, it is getting complicated. Can't follow your T Bill line of thinking. Can you explain?
Americans, you should know, spend more than they earn.
Impossible, Boss.
Americans are good attempting the impossible. You may be a pauper - no job. no income,but you can buy huge mansions in the US.
Why dont you shift US? YOu also don't have a job. no income...
Stupid.
Did you say something nasty, Boss?
.. Nothing... nothing. Greedy bankers lend money eagerly even to those who simply cannot afford to pay even EMIs consistently..
Very interesting, Boss. How do they survive?
You mean the bankers?
Yes, Boss.
They convert the receivables into tradeable instruments and dispose of it to others. Thinking they have covered their backs.
Hmmm.
Interesting, no?
Looks like. What about payback? Who will pay whom on the due date?
Good question. Even a dog knows basics of economics..
Mind your language, Mister... Mind you, I am a co-tenant of my boss - a man who thinks he knows a lot of these economic gibberish.
You mean, me? Thanks. But I don't understand the cotenant part. What's that?
It's very simple, Boss. You and I are co-tenants of this world. This house. How, you want to ask? Hang on. Let me put it this way .... Why do you keep me as your conscience keeper?
Who says you are my conscience keeper? You are my pet. Nothing more, nothing less.
Tell me whom do you share your thoughts - metaphysical or otherwise? Me, na?
Hmmm.
Not even your family. Not even your colleagues? No? .. You use me as your sounding board... No?
Hmmm.
Is it not true that you are gaining some insight through our dialogues? Howevever occasional it may be.
Hmmm.
We more or less occupy the same mindscape, no?
Sort of.
Is it not true, you spend more time with me either in India or outside? Don't we talk daily almost thrice during walks on everything under the sun or moon or sky?
True, but...
During walks, I just listen to your loud thoughts is what you want to say, no?
Yes.
Tell me, is it not true you become silent when you are in the company of even your spouse - she complains no?
You are a master blaster... Fuggedit. I agree that you are a cotenant. Let's return to business.
If China stops buying T Bills of US, Obama will go nuts. So it has to prop up Washington currency as well. Don't know how long.
What about India?
India has a huge domestic economy. China also had, but ignored for a long time. Now woken up to tap this potential. If foreigners have no money to buy, why not try their own kith and kin back home.
Boss, it makes a lot of sense. However, China has to give money to Americans to buy their stuff. Instead, now China is lending its own people to generate demand... right?
Zack, which business school you studied?
Am in the running for Nobel?
Shutup. Idiot. Overambitious.Do you know what Black Swan Nassib tells about economists?
No. What's he saying?
He says economists are bunch of jokers and idiots.
Let him say whatever he wants. It does not bother me. I know my onions, Boss.
So... China is helping its domestic economy to kickstart revival. India also.
What about the Gulf?
They have of late started looking inwards. Investing in infrastructure development withuot losing steam though meltdown has affected them badly.
Haan..Are they not affected due to the huge fall in oil prices - from 147 to 63 dollars a barrel?
Yes, Zack. But they will survive becoz the actual cost of a barrel costs very little. But when loaded with developmental costs, it goes up. Even 40 dollars is more than sufficient to keep them afloat.
Coming back, why you are happy?
Zack, when the engines of Chinese and Indian eocnomy begin to roar, they need energy.Alternate energy sources development will take ages. So oil is the only alternate. So demand for oil is bound to go up. It is good news for gulf.
So what?
A huge chunk of indians work in the Gulf. And they are now back home due to recession in Gulf also. When oil prices go up, projects will resume work and they may return. More forex remittance. Good for them. Good for India.
Good for you also, no? Boss?
Sort of. ... Hey, are you leaving...
Yeah.
Going where? Zack?
For a lecture at FICCI.
Wat?
The business lobbyists have invited Finance Minister Pranabda to talk about new govt, new challenges. Am going.
What about CII? Are they not
.. hosting their meet with FM?
Yeah, Zack.
Yes, they will. But they lost the race to Ficci.
How?
Because FICCI general secretary is a Bong. Pranabda, you know...
What a judgement, Zack. Good luck! Come back soon.
Bye, Boss.

Wat's in your neck-bag?

Rossogulla..... You know why, Boss!

Conversations - 13

Boss, are you there?....

Boss….

Hello, Zack! Is that you?

Yes, Boss. How are you?

Fine. Tell me, how’s you?

Rotting in Delhi with intermittent power supply!

It’s more than two weeks, we parted. Zack, I miss you.

Me too.

Do you know, this morning, I saw a lady walking her dog..

Boss, you saw the lady with the dog or dog with the lady? Be specific!

Naughty boy! An old lady with a Dalmatian.

You mean older than you?

Stop pulling my legs, Zack.

How’s life in Dubai?

Am enjoying to the hilt! Tell me, why did you call?

Is there need to have a reason to touch base with you, Boss?

No, you’re most welcome.

I felt like talking to you. So am talking to you now.

Nobody at home?

Your daughter is sleeping after burning midnight oil! And madam too. Too tired keeping a vigil on your daughter.

Hmmm.

You still not answer my question: how is Dubai?

It’s more cosmopolitan than Muscat which you had the privilege of living with me for five months. And more Filipinos and Pakistanis. Every second guy you bump into is from Philippines. Or every taxi driver is from Pakistan.

What’s Filipinos?

People from the Philippines. It’s a country. Like I am an Indian becoz I am from India, you know?

Oh!

Do you know Emiratis (the natives) are only 20 per cent.

20 per cent? What does it mean?

Dumbo! It means that if you meet five people on road, only one of them will be an Emirati.

Tell me, why you should meet five people to meet one Emi… whatever?

Forget it. You talk like Zoher!

Who… the Zoher in Muscat who used to jump whenever he sees me?

Yes. The same guy!

What happened to him?

Nothing. I just mentioned his name. Well, you did not tell me why u called…

Boss, …. Feeling a bit shy.

Come on. Tell me. Man to man…

Six months ago, in Muscat, you talked about arranging a mating session with a bitch…

Yeah. But we decided to pack up and leave, you know

I know. But you’ve forgotten or ignored my needs…. My physical needs.

Don’t worry. I will get it arranged in Delhi soon. Okay?

You’re great, Boss. You understand my genuine concerns. I miss you a lot.

Enuf buttering.

Boss, when are you coming to Delhi?

Whenever you send me a ticket, Zack!

You don’t need a cage – like me?

My foot! Haha! Bye, Zack!

Bye, Boss!

Conversations-12

Yes, we can. …. Yes, we can….. Yes, we can…..

Enuf, Zack. Enuf!

What’s bugging you, Boss? Why you getting itchy?

Itchy? My foot. Stop imitating Obama.

Ah! You don’t like his pet phrase, “Yes, we can” which he beautifully orchestrated in his victory speech at Chicago?

Not a question of like or dislike.

Then, what?

Nothing.

No, no. Something is bugging you. Come clean, please!

You’re incorrigible, Zack.

Boss, don’t be a hypocrite. Sallu uncle told me you were crying bucketful while hearing Obie….

Who’s Sallu uncle? You mean, Salman Khan?

Don’t act funny. You know I mean Salman Syed uncle, your colleague at office.

Ooof!

Tell me, did you cry or not hearing Obie?

Is it confession time or what?

Whatever.

Listen. It was tears of joy. Tears of emotion. Tears of relief. That a Black …

Stop it. No Black etc. Afro-American, he is. You are talking like the CNN anchors. Maybe calling Obie the first Black president-elect sounds easy on their tongues than the first Afro-American president-elect.

I was not alone, buddy. Reverend Jesse Jackson wept silently. Oprah Winfrey also. A lot of others.

Trying to tell me that you were in that Big League, huh?

Trying to tell your bird-brain that it is no crime to shed tears.

Boss, mind your tongue. Tina is not around does not mean you go on the offensive. I represent her in absentia.

By the way, where is Tina?

Tina has gone visiting her folks, for a change. You know, Tina is also Obie fan. Actually she flew out in joy to shake her legs to celebrate the US elections.
Omigod, the world has gone crazy really. The American election is like circus. Won’t be surprised if someone were to tell that polar bears entered the Eskimo tents to catch a few glimpses of the nail-biting election results night. Crazy.

Sarky, na?

You mean Sarkozy?

Sarcastic, I said. Not the French prez. Huh, that reminds me of Carla Bruni. Not seen or heard of late.

With Michelle Obama becoming the first Black – Ok…. First Afro-American Lady, the limelight will be on her for sometime.

Boss, did you notice her wardrobe that night?Fabulous red and Afro-…. Sorry, red and black.

Nothing spectacular. Typical the neighbourhood dress. I like it. No fashionista stuff. Thank God!

Yeah, she was wearing a black cardigan over a scoop-neck black sheath with splashes of red in the upper and lower half separated by a band of black at the hips.

You know someone said Michelle’s dress sense was atrocious. A fashion guru aptly put it when he said that her dress said,”be who you are. Don’t let someone else tell you how to be.”

The kids: Malia and Sasha were just that: kids. Unpretentious. Adorable.

Zack, can I tell you something...

Go ahead, Boss. You need no permission from me!

Watching this Obama family reminded me of JFK and his foursome family in the 1960s. He was equally youthful, charming and adorable.

JFK? Who’s he?

He was the President in the 1960s before falling a victim to an assassin’s bullet on November 22, 1963. A Democrat again. I still recall a pix wherein John Kennedy is busy working at his table and the kids play under his table. A remarkable photo….

What happened? Why are you crying?

Get lost, Zack. Leave me alone, pleeze!

Ok, Boss. Take care.

Conversations-11

You must be the only dog in the world that washes its legs after an outing, Zack!

Tina, you bird-brained! What’s wrong with washing one’s feet after an outing? Boss does it. His family does it. Hygiene, buddy! You shit, sleep and live in the same cage. You’ll never understand the niceties of grooming!

Haha!

May I ask you the raison d’etre for your second round of guffaw?

Your Boss is thinking aloud about Fashion & Lifestyle. Am I right? …. I know you are privy to his thoughts as he blabbers in the morning as he trots along with you during morning walks. Zack, you’ve picked up some nuggets – say, niceties, grooming for example and throwing those catch phrases at me to impress and signal that you are a much more refined product from the Maker’s lab than me! Stop this crap!

Ok. You’re jealous. You’re going to be lonely for a fortnight or so soon….

Why? Are they sending me out!

Tina, fuggedit… I am escorting Boss to Muscat.

What where in your previous birth?...

Why, darling?

Travel is written on your forehead. A few months ago, you were in Bahrain. Now to Muscat.

What to do, Tina? Boss needs my company! Some intellectual counterpart, you know!

It is going to be lonely moreso…

Why?

Your Boss and you are out to Muscat. The Family will be out for Lucknow for a wedding. For a week, I will be alone.

What you plan to do?

Catch up with some reading, of course!

Reading! You’re not even my thumbsize! How will you hold the book?

Dog brains don’t understand ….

Mind your language, Tina. Ok. Which one you plan to read?

Your Boss is reading Desmond Morris on Human Beings and their body language. Let me gain some knowledge.

By the way, I will leave a few sheets of Sneha delicacies to savour. Whether you will get to taste them or not, at least, read her tongue-tickling copy.

Who’s Sneha?

Boss’s new intel-pal.

What’s that?

Intellect friend. She writes on delicacies. Remember a few weeks ago, she wrote about Dog delicacies that made you terribly happy!

Oh, you mean that? What’s she upto these days?

Heard of Shark Soup? Fugu fish? She relishes writing about these delicacies. I wonder whether she has tasted any of these stuff. I won’t be surprised if she is a vegan.

If so, how can she write about something she does not experience?

That’s modern day journalism… Someone experiences and notes down his/her thoughts. You hijack those thoughts from the net and rewrite.

What net?

Internet, dumbo! (laughs)

Why are you laughing, Zack?

Remembered Boss’s favourite story on experience…

What’s that?

Heard of Adi Shankara?

Who’s he or she?

Idiot, it is He.

Ok. What’s the story?

Shankara was engaged in a serious debate with a Buddhist couple. He was on a winning spree, but got stumped on one issue.

What’s that?

Shankara, you must understand, is a celibate.

What’s celibate?

Celibate or celibacy means he has never touched a woman in his life.

So?

The discussion turned towards marriage and family and Shankara was on his bes until thent. But…

What?

The couple retorted saying that how can a Bachelor or celibate can have more knowledge than a married couple on physical intimacy. Pure bookish knowledge is no substitute for experience.

So, what happened?

Shankara was stumped, as I told you a few minutes ago.

Hmm.

Then Shankara got into the body of someone who just died and experienced what marital bliss is all about. Came back and spoke with a lot of personal experience and …

He won the debate, right?

You’re getting smarter, Tina!

Why are we talking about Shankara?

Remember Sneha’s recipe? That’s the context.

Who was your Boss talking to?

Ritwik Sinha, his buddy! Ritwik works for a B-2-B travel magazine. He was narrating to Boss that a tourism board chairman gave him a lot of positive info about his state. When Ritwik landed in the state to be covered, what he experienced was totally different from what he was told! He has to change the entire angle of the story! He was trying to tell Boss that seeing is believing! Don’t write a word unless you have seen it!

Your Boss is stupid!

Why?

Come here. Can you see the blue sky?

Yes.

Can you see the full moon over Qutub Minar?

Yes.

Do you know some men landed on that strip a few years ago?

I don’t know. But Boss knows, I am sure.

Yes, your Boss knows. And believes that to be true.

Ok. What are you driving at?

Has your Boss been to Moon?

No.

If so, Boss has no Moon experience. Right?

Yes.

If yes, how can your Boss say the people have really landed on Moon?

Understandable. I will check out with him in Muscat and post you with progress.

What progress?

Oof! Slip of my tongue. Boss is contemplating the theme for next Progress Oman and asking for ideas from me.

Your ego is much larger than your Boss’s.

Ms Birdbrain, see you. Bye, bye!

More to continue….

Conversations-10

Zack, what happened to your Boss? He is terribly silent. Not even lifting daily newspapers. They are lying unopened or I see you flipping through as if you’re a scholar.

Tina, I asked him the same question the day he returned from Bahrain. He got up and left his seat to go …

I know… I know … He went to sleep.

Only chirkut like you go to sleep at the drop of a grain. Not enlightened souls like my Boss. When he closes his eyes, Tina, he does not sleep. Goes into meditation. Day or night.

That man has brainwashed you nicely. Pity you.

You bird-brained. You’ never understand. Nevertheless, I was rummaging through his bags last night and found the answer to his deep silence.

What? You found out the reason?

You bet. I did. I know the secret.

What’s it? Can you share it with me?

Why not? Knowledge is to be shared. He’s greatly influenced by the Black Swan writer.

Black Swan? What’s that?

Forgetit. What’s important is what he has written.

What has he written that made your Boss to stop reading newspapers?

Listen to this passage from Nassim Nicholas Taleb: “I then completely gave up reading newspapers and watching television, which freed up a considerable amount of time (say, one hour or more a day, enough time to read more than a hundred additional books per year, which after a couple of decades, starts mounting). But this argument was not quite the entire reason for my dictum in this book to avoid the newspapers, as we will see further benefits in avoiding the toxicity of information. It was initially a great excuse to avoid keeping up with the minutiae of business, a perfect alibi since I found nothing interesting about the details of the business world-inelegant, dull, pompous, greedy, unintellectual, selfish and boring.”

Hmm.

Yes, that prompted him perhaps to stop reading newspapers.

But I saw a carton which Boss’s daughter was moving around the house.

You’re smart. And observant. While Taleb has said ‘no’ to newspapers, he has not said ‘la’ to magazines! So, Boss brought a cartload of magazines to read….

Idiot!

What did you say?

Idiot!

You mean my Boss?

Of course, Zack!

Can I ask for reasons?

You can. And You have. Let me tell you. From what I make out, your Boss is a confused entity. He cannot give up reading.

Why not?

Then what he will write?

Hmm.

You have to understand this clearly. For any writer to write, he has to read. Your Boss is a writer. Good, bad, indifferent is a different question to tackle. But basically a writer. So he has to read. If not newspapers, then something else. It is just a question of time before he returns to newspapers. Can’t stay away for too long.

Why not?

We birds know it. You dogs know it. You and I don’t have to read something to strike a conversation. If we are friends, we can just sit without any conversation and not feeling bad. But the human kind or mind works differently. They cannot afford to sit silently in a room without opening their oral trapdoor and talk something. To engage in a conversation, you need something. That something comes out of newspapers or books. Got it?

I must tell you something, Tina. You’re definitely not a chirkut or birdbrained. Forgive me for underestimating your intelligence. By the way, how did you gain this wisdom?

What wisdom?

Whatever… What you just spoke about the human trait etc.

Listen. You accept we are flying creatures?

Yes.

What do you get when fly in the sky?

What?

A bird eye view. A broad picture. What we get to see, even you cannot. Know why? Because your vision is pretty narrow.

True, Tina…. But tell me. You’ve been inside the Mansion for long. Wonder when did you fly to get a bird eyeview.

Zack, it is in our genes. It is hardwired in your DNA. I can see the world without seeing. I can watch happenings without watching.

You sound philosophical. Am getting worried.

Relax, Zack. You are equally enlightened. Only thing is that you are unaware.

You mean, you know, but you still don’t know.

That’s it….

Let me have some water. Very confusing and my head is reeling.
(Zack finishes off the bowl of water in one swig and returns)

Are you okay?

Oh sure. You made me think deeply. Not that I don’t in the past. If you birds can do, we dogs can equally do. After all, the same superpower that created you also has an hand in making me. Only looks and behaviours are different. Otherwise, birds and dogs are one and the same.

Now you sound philosophical!

On second thoughts, philosophical does not mean something extraordinary. But making sense out of the ordinary. When you look deeply into issues, you get to see that was apparent to the naked eye, still not visible. Conditioning oneself to see things in its true and original form.

(A bark outside)

That’s Leila from upstairs. She is elder to me, but shies away. I am not interested in her at all.

What’s wrong with her? I have seen. She is fair. And Lean.

She eats non-vegetarian stuff. Fish, Mutton, Chicken.

You don’t because of your Boss. He is a vegetarian and has turned you into one.

That’s not fair to him and his family. They feed me boiled egg every weekend. Feed me chicken flavoured stix.

You’ve not tasted blood, Zack! Am I right?

No. You’re not right. I have bitten Boss’ madam several times and tasted blood.

How can you do that? I mean biting Boss’ madam…

Am bit afraid of her. Sometimes she terrifies me and make me feel low. I retaliate by attacking her.

How frequently?

Once a month at least.

How does she react?

For two days she will remain aloof. Not feed me directly. She will cook and ask Boss or his daughter to feed me. Even take me out for my nightly walks, but no talks. Silent walkathons.

How do you patch up?

Nothing great. It just happens. On Day 3, I wag my tail when she leaves for office and pull her dupatta. Make her feel that I love her. I truly respect her. And in the evening when she returns from office, I shout at her for coming so late! She feels happy and we regain normalcy.

Till the next bite? Haha!

You can say so.

Have you ever bitten Boss?

Once. Only once. I felt very sorry after that episode.

Did you apologise?

Don’t know how to do that. Don’t worry. Then I read his blog on his learnings from that biting lesson and almost burst into tears.

Will you mind biting him again?

…. Hmmm….. Why not?

What?

Why not? If my biting can make him learn something new in life. Why not? Hahaha!

More to come

Conversations-9

Hey Zack, how was your outing with your GF?

No great shakes, birdie! A bland routine call. She wanted a few bucks to tide over some personal hygiene purchase stuff…. Month end, you know? Forget it. You will never know.

Don’t get hyper. I know you, doggie! … Oops! Sorry.

That’s the spirit.

You are supposed to tell me Vinod Uncle’s weekend happenings?

Why not? .. Hang on. Let me satiate my thirst.

(in whispers) Look at how he is slurping milk from the bowl. Cold stuff. I can drink with my beak with less noise. See he is using his tongue – making a lot of noise. Indecent doggie! Talks as if he is great guy! Show guy!

Ready?

Of course.

Let me tell what they – Uncle Vinod and Boss – did this weekend. Their job got over partially – the English part and they wanted to chill out with those who helped them.

You know their colleagues?

Some I know. Some I don’t. Does not make a difference. Whoever the unknowns, the party is ours – I mean Uncle Vinod and Boss. I know how they behave. Past experience.

What they did?

Here’s something I will read it to you. It is from Boss. “Once again, Vinod was insisting me to go to that Mallu joint – Kalpaka”

What is Mallu joint? What is Kalpaka?

People from Kerala are called Mallus affectionately. Very enterprising people. Kalpaka is a three star restau-bar in Bahrain. Restau-bar is where they serve liquor and food. Understand?

Yes. Why Boss does not like Mallu joints?

He does not like Mallu food. Boiled rice, too much coconut in everything. … He is married to Palghat Brahmin. So he cannot afford to hate Mallus. Once I overheard that Boss’s parents lived in Palghat before he was born.

Must have been a century ago.

Mind your tongue. Boss is not 100 years old. He is young at heart and soul.

Okay. Let us not fight over unnecessary things. What they did at Kalpaka?

What a stupid question to ask? What you do when a bowl of grains and water is kept in front of you? Use your birdy brain… You eat… You drink. Isn’t it? … Men do the same thing.

They eat grains and drink water? Then what is the big deal?

Brilliant question. While you and I eat and drink and relax, men make a mess. Let me put it this way: they make an ass of themselves. They dance. They talk louder. Absolutely meaningless talk. Boast and brag. Imagine things and tell tales.

You mean they begin to act?

You can say that…

Are you hinting your Boss was not his sober self?

I won’t be surprised. Men when drunk do all such things. … I have authoritative info on that. One, theoretical. Another practical. Can I share with you? You won’t tell anyone? Agree?

Done. It’s a promise.

You know Boss’ daughter studying psychology?

Everybody tells so. Never seen her touch a book on psychology. I can say this authoritatively becoz I live in her study-cum-living room. Most of the time she spends painting pictures. Nude pictures. Some pictures I can’t make head or tail of it – what she keeps talking about as ‘abstract’. Listening to some stupid hard rock. Bloody noisy stuff. Meaningless lyrics. So, what about her?

I crosschecked with her about what happens to men when they get drunk. She read out a passage from one of her most-thumbed through book. From my understanding, their brains go berserk when sozzled up. So they forget their normal behaviour and act funnily.

Okay. What is the practical evidence?

Again a secret. Don’t tell a soul.

You’ve my word.

Boss’s madam one day shouted at him. “Everytime I have to clean the toilet. You don’t. Why don’t you at lease once in a while?” Boss replied that he won’t. Madam retorted: “Remember that night when you were sozzled up and puked all over your shirt, pant when Frank and Unni visited 15 years ago? Remember that night when I took you inside the washing room, you fell almost into the shitting bowl and blathered?”

Migod! You spy on your Boss’ family. Blasphemous.

Look. Get this straight. I was not even born when these incidents happened. I heard from Boss’s wife. I am sharing with you. Another incident: A few years ago, Boss lost his job and could not get another one due to recession. Don’t ask what recession is? I will explain on another occasion. One night, I heard Boss’s wife telling the visitor: “Faisal, You remember that day when he (Boss) was crawling on all four inside the house and telling us to ‘get Faisal immediately. I want to meet him now’. You know it was 2 a. m. in the night and my daughter pulled you out of bed from your Noida residence and you came rushing in a taxi. He hugged you and cried a lot. You stayed that night. He (Boss) was drunk fully that night. Next morning, he woke up and behaved as if nothing had happened the previous night. He asked you, “when did you come? Something urgent? Any problems at your end?”

Oops!

Now you know what happens to men when they are drunk.

Chilling, Zack!

Okay. Listen to what happened at Bahrain during the current visit.

Of course, Am curious. Shoot.

Uncle Vinod and Boss arrived around 9 p.m. They joined a small gang – 5 of them out of which they knew only two souls. Soon the gang swelled to 10. They began drinking and chatting. Everybody was taking at the top of their voice to drown some Malayalam TV broadcast blaring at Kalpaka. Uncle Vinod spoke in Malayalam requesting the restau-bar female attendants (another catch for men to throng such places) in vain.

Hmm..

They had a ball till 3 a.m. (next morning). They were so drunk, my Boss lost his marbles!

What do you mean?

Listen. They were seated in a hall with wall sizemiror on both sides. Boss was getting worried because everybody was shouting at the top their voice. He felt the people at the huge table behind him might get upset. That group was also having a party. Same numbers. More or less same dress code. Same gestures. Ordered more or same food. He tried to hush hush the group to talk in lower voice so that people at the other table were not disturbed. Nobody was willing to listen.

Then?

At one point, he signaled at the female waitress. Don’t get ideas! He wanted water to refill his glasses. He lifted the empty water jug in one hand and used his other hand to point to the empty jar. He felt he was talking to her in person. Actually he was talking to her mirror image on the huge lifesize mirror in front of him.

Hmmm.

The waitress saw his gestures and came from behind – understand she came from behind with a huge water jug. Boss was looking into the mirror and thrust the empty jug just behind his back voluntarily. She filled the gap –standing behind him and left. Nobody noticed anything amiss.

After sometime, Uncle Vinod – who was seated exactly opposite Boss – got up to go to the washroom. That’s when Boss saw his own image in the mirror in front. Rubbed his eyes in disbelief. Just turned around to see what’s behind him. Know what he saw?

No. What?

There was nothing. He looked in front again. The mirror in front showed the image of our big group partying. His mind has played a trick, thanks to the liquor. Except us there was no other group in that section of restau-bar. He saw the image of our own group on the mirror in front and felt another group was partying just behind us. Haha!

Funny indeed.

When they reached the Guest House, it was 3.30 a.m. While Uncle Vinod sat to watch a bit of Indo-Australia match live from Adelaide, Boss hit the bed directly.

Did he go for his morning walk that morning?

No. He did not. But he woke up at his usual time 4 a.m.

Crazy guy. To do what?

He sat up and began reading stuff from the Gurgaon Gang, his Indian collaborators – on men, women and sex. Says the Gurgaon stuff is more intoxicating than what he imbibed from bottles! Says reading that stuff makes him feel he is in his 20s!

What about the dog meat story I overheard?

Oh. That’s nothing. Koreans love dog delicacies and he advised one of his contributors to write on that. Don’t get ideas that he is going to knock me off. Know why?

Why?

In one of his regular columns, he wrote that his family consists of 4 members: himself, his wife, daughter and – of course, me!

You are lucky!

What lucky? I adore him, birdie!

More to come…

Conversations-8

Hey Zack, seem to be in happy mood today? What’s up?

Got a mail from Boss this morning. He seems to be having a ball again…

Don’t you miss him, Zack? ….

What to do, buddy? I cannot ask him to take me wherever he goes. …. There are some places he goes where I will not be allowed … Rather he might not want to take me along…

Understandable. What’s he upto this time in Bahrain?

Can I tell you something? … I miss Uncle Vinod more than my Boss, dude?

Didn’t you tell that you picked up this ‘Dude’ act from him during his last visit to Bahrain?

You’ve elephantine memory, though you are shorter than my tail, Tina. .. Vinod is a marry maker. …

Zack, not marry maker, … it’s ‘merry maker’!

Shuddup, your caged pinjira! Teaching me English? Gone mad?

Chill, dude! Don’t forget, you are not born English. Your forefathers came from Tibet, the Lamaland. Since I live with your Boss, I keep hearing the right words, the right way. Felt like correcting, when you mis-stepped. I won’t in future, if you are hurt. Sorry, Zack. Apologies.

Okay, okay….

What’s your Boss upto?

Hawn…. He’s on a paid holiday! He’s roaming around Bahrain. Visiting odd places. Meeting interesting people. Reading sexotic stuff. .. Moreover, the weather is freezing…!

Bahrain? In the Gulf? Freezing? You must be out of your mind. Desert country, pal!

I was an idiot like you till I saw Uncle Vinod’s pix. See, see this. … He’s wearing an Eskimo cap. Wearing woolen. The temperature, Boss writes to me, is 7 degrees at its lowest. Uncle and Boss live in a Guest House on third floor, just behind Immigration Office in All Hoora area. You know, Al Hoora?

Don’t be stupid… I never stepped out of this cage. It’s more than 2 years – living on what I am fed and jumping around inside this Mansion.

Tina, relax. Boss’s daughter once gave you freedom inadvertently by forgetting to lock the door of your Mansion. What you stupid bird did? … You tried to fly away through the grilled balcony. Unfortunately you failed and fell. Then you were recaged. You must have a gameplan to enjoy life. Look at Uncle Vinod and Boss.

Ah! … What do they do?

They chill out, birdie! Boss, as usual, wakes up at 4 in the morning and goes for walk and does other stupid things to keep his body and soul together. Uncle Vinod snores to glory till 7. Then both scoot to office – hardly half a kilometer away. Invariably both skip breakfast because they are in a hurry to get parking space closer to office and they fail almost daily. Pick up something from Jawad Express Stores – some sandwich, some juice.

What’s sandwich?

Good question. You never traveled outside your cage. So don’t know the worldly things. A few pieces of cucumber, tomato, cheese, tucked in between two slices of bread. That’s veg sandwich. Put mutton, chicken instead of veg stuff, it is non-veg sandwich. Honestly, I don’t like it. If you ask me what I like most, a good bowl of upma with coconut chutney, lot of aloo paratha. Sorry, I cannot explain these things. I know how to eat. Don’t know the recipe and preparation.

We were talking about Vinod uncle …

Yes, both eat their breakfast and check their inboxes for emails. Sorry again, I can’t explain these techie things. Call up Kaushal at www.octanmen.com. He has time and skill to explain things to dummies like you. Great guy!

What about your Boss? What he does?

He reads. … (pause) He reads … (Pause) …. He reads.

No other work for him?

Yes. He writes (pauses)…. He writes. (Pauses) He…

Enuf. What he reads and what he writes?

He reads his emails and replies to those emails. Then he reads a lot of crap. About what men want, what women want, how to do kind of stuff. Reads about where to spend leisure time, which place to visit…. He’s crazy about films and …. Girls… Not your neighbourhood variety. Top notch Hollywood, Bollywood…. He writes one of the stories he is reading is: Why Hollywood stars want to shed clothes in front of camera?

Why?

Oh! His job demands that. He is supposed to talk sensibly to his Bosses. There is no original wisdom – like you and I have. He has to acquire knowledge. So he reads a lot.

You’re condescending too much, Zack. No respect for your Boss.

I luv and respect my Boss. It does not mean that I should have not own an opinion about him. Don’t be silly, Tina! It is my freedom of expression. Last night, you called me all kinds of names when we discussed the contents of my Boss’s group publications which we were tearing apart – literally. While I defended my Boss, you attacked. I respect your freedom of expression. Know why?

Why?

At least you’re my family. I mean my Boss’s family. Boss and I should be ready to listen to criticism from within. For instance, if some outside voices the same opinion, what can Boss do? He’s a level handed nut.

Then, what your Boss does?

In between, he runs around with Uncle Vinod chasing….

Chasing what???

Relax, birdie. I know why you are getting excited. … Both chase clients for advertising material and pix for their publication. Then go to Curry Country and some eating joint for a good meal. …. They repeat the same exercise till they shut shop around 8 p.m. …

Then …

Well, that’s where the fun begins…

Fun…

Of course. They watch some Live cricket match being played at some place on Planet Earth. Also some NDTV news to catch up what’s happening back home? Discuss Indo-Australia cricket series.

Do they eat dinner or not?

They do. Only vegetarian. Know why? Because it is cheap.. Ha ha!

What’s so funny?

Forget it. My Boss retires to bed by 9.30 leaving Uncle Vinod to keep watching TV till 1 or 2 in the morning.

Uncle Vinod must be very young.

He’s in mid-30s. Great body. Great tattoo. Only thing missing is … lock of hairs!

He does not go for early morning walks..

Can I tell you something? … Vinod can’t keep pace with Boss in that respect. Rain or shine, Boss is meticulous about his morning walk regimen. Twice Uncle Vinod had gone along with Boss. Then gave it up. I did not ask him. But I know why? You want to know?

Sure… Sure…

Nothing special. Except Uncle Vinod is bit lazy. Don’t tell him that if and when you meet him. He’s chweet Uncle.

What they do on weekends? Thursday nights? Fridays and Saturday?

Good question…. (Phone rings)… Jus a sec. (Picks up phone and listens)

Dude, I have to rush out.

What happened?

My GF’s call that was. She’s waiting near the Qutub roundabout. Wants me urgently..

Girl Friend? Yours?

Yes. I will come back narrate you about Uncle Vinod and Boss’s weekend routine. Bye bye.

More to come…