Conversations-15

Hey, wassup?

What do you mean, 'wassup'? Am okey, Boss.

No, no. You seem to be in the seventh heaven, Zack.

You mean like you when you pick up your copy of MUSCAT DAILY every morning at some petrol pump or other.

Stop. Don't be sarcy.

Why are you getting irritated, Boss? Am I saying something short on truth?

Ok, ok. Tell me, why are you so happy, Zack?

Come on. What's wrong with you? Why can't I be happy once in a while, for Godssake.

Enough of this non-sense, Zack. Tell me, na...

Okey. Since you're a curious cat ... hope you don't throw a fit for me calling you a cat..

Stop this drama and spill the beans.

Boss, you're a serious nut, with apologies.

Why do you say that Zack?

Enough of this high-strong words: GDP, fiscal deficit, oil dependency, exchange rate fluctations. Cat crap.

Wat's wrong, Zack?

Will you permit me to continue?

Yes. Go ahead.

Why don't you look beyond serious stuff in newspapers? Say like crossword puzzles, cartoon sketches, cookeries, filmi stuff etc.

Come to the point. Why this long sermon? Explain the rationale behind your happiness.

Boss, did you notice that there are three cartoon strips in today's dailies that carries some my fraternity stuff?

You mean cartoons featuring dogs?

Mind your language.... Give respect and take respect, Boss.

What's so great about these doggy ... sorry .... strips?

Boss, did you see?

Nope.

You better.

Some other time.

You better now.

Ok, ok.







Boss, which one you like the most?

Hmm.. this one.

You mean, Boss, the Muscat Daily one?

Yes. You're right.

I know even before you opened your oral trap.

Zack, you're insulting. Acting smart - like that Boss at ... Fuggedit. . He will be insulted if I utter his name.

Come on, come on, Boss.

Stop egging me, Zack. You know me. Why do you say my pick will definitely be Muscat Daily cartoon strip only?

Boss, because for you Muscat Daily is THE best daily in town.

Do you have reservations on that assessment, Zack?

Your friends are laughing at you... Know why?

Why?

Becoz, they say you're angling for a job in Muscat Daily and hence canvassing positively. Ha ha... Sorry, Boss.

Rubbish. I have a reason for picking that cartoon. Forget about others what they say. Is my choice - about the Muscat Daily cartoon strip featuring one of your cousins - acceptable to you or not?

Can I tell you something, Boss?

No preambles, Zack. Go ahead.

For once, we are in sync. We share same ideas. You've matured a lot of late - particularly after getting roadrailed by that gang at ...

Stop, Zack.

Boss, I also like it for the simple reason the Muscat Daily strip shows us - I mean my tribe - as intelligent beings. We can read between the lines like you, homo sapiens.

Good. I felt the same, Zack.

The other two - in Times of Oman and Oman Tribune - make me sympathise with my folk. Shows us in poor light. Boss, understand. We also have - what you call 'ego'.

Understandable, Zack.

Thanks, Boss.

Don't mention.

Good to hear proper English after a long time.

What?

Usually you used to respond with 'No mention'. Now, you said 'Don't mention'. Right usage.

My foot! You teaching me English?

What's wrong? Learn from every quarter. Be open minded.

Ok.

One small request, Boss.

Shoot.

Tomorrow onwards, I will not join your morning walk.

Why? You're hale and hearty.

I simply cannot stand you hopping from petrol pump to petrol pump at 4 in the morning looking for Muscat Daily. As if your survival for that particular day hinges upon you grabbing a copy of that new babe.

Zack, you'll never appreciate good things in life quickly. It takes time for such things to sink in.

You're getting emotional, Boss.

No, no, Zack. It's perfectly fine with me. I have been walking even before you came into my life. I will continue even after you refuse to escort me. ... No big deal.

Excuse me! I don't escort you. We walk together... In fact, I lead you, Boss!Follow me?

Get lost, Zack!

Conversations-14

You seemed to be very happy, Boss. Wassup?
Nothing, Zack.
No, no. I know. You're supremely ... blissfully... glad.
Am I not supposed to be happy and smiling, Zack? What's wrong with you?
Nothing, Boss. But your composed behaviour makes me wonder...
Look, Zack, let me clarify. This has nothing to do with Congress's performance in the elections.
Boss, aren't you jumping up and down on the results day becoz your favourite party was romping home in style and I cannot forget your smugness like your favourite party..
You definitely is anti-Sonia, Zack.
Cool, Boss. You're jumping to conclusions. I am neither anti-Sania...
Not Sania. Sonia, dear.
Sorry, I cannot call her dear Sonia. She's not even Indian...
Stop that nonsense. Even you're not Indian. Tibetan, Lhasa Apso. We respect you. We love you. As much as we respect Sonia and ...
Love her too?
Joking, no, Zack.
Ok, Boss. Tell me wassup? Why you are so happy?
Look, honestly I am happy becoz oil prices started going up.
Ohmigod! You're anti-Indian.
Shutup, Zack! Am not anti-Indian or anything. Remember the boom period we watched as oil shot up to 147 dollars for one barrel? There was all around prosperity. Everybody was dancing. China was chugging along well. India was jumping as you said up and down. Arjun Murthy was predicting 200 dollars.
Who's Arjun Murthy? Infosys Narayana Murthy's son or cousin?
My foot! Arjun is a global investment analyst with Goldman Sachs who had predicted oil price would touch 147 dollars much before it happened. He was a seer. ..
Then, what happened to his 200 dollar forecast? Why did not happen?
Why asking me? Ask him, na?
Boss... Use your common sense...How can I?
Shucks... Zack, I am convinced it may happen.
Boss, you mean oil going back to last July levels?
Yeah... in a way.
What do you mean?
Yes, there is a worldwide recession. Agree?
I do,Sir!
US in deep shit. Europe too. China. India. Gulf...
You mean the Persian Gulf --- Saudi, Qatar, Abu Dhobi...
Not Abu Dhobi... Dhabi... Yes.
Every govt is pumping in shiploads of money to revive their economies. Agree?
Of course, Boss. Though there are thin traffic on roads. More parking space in Nehru Place parking lot...
What's Nehru Place parking lot got to do with you?
You only were telling someone over phone that parking attendants were literally dragging you two days ago to park your car in Nehru Place - even though you were NOT driving anything....
Keen observer, Zack, you're.
Thank you, Boss. All your training. You only taught me to keep my eyes and ears open all time. Ohmigod. Am losing track of my thoughts... What was I saying?
Recession... Govts pumping huge money to revive economy etc etc.
Thanks, Zack. Know why, Zack?
Why what?
Why they are investing so much money?
To save their backs... as you only told me.
Yeah. 100 per cent correct. If US economy does not revive, Obama baba can forget about a possible second term. American voters will send him packing in 2013. Can the 44th US President afford to do that?
No ways, Boss.
Take China. Loss of export market in US and Europe has already led to a large scale retrenchment.
What ... ment?
Retrenchment... meaning throwing people out of job because there is no money to be made and not sure when things will improve.
Like it happened to you...
Think you are smart, Zack, no?
What did I say that hurts you and talk sarc-ky?
You know what I mean. By the way, what is the meaning of sarc-ky?
Sarcastically, Boss.
Ok, ok. We're talking about China. Retrenchment on the one hand and huge purchase of US T Bills.
Tea Bills? Why China should buy American tea?
You dumbo. China has been buying billions of dollars worth of American Treasury Bills. Which are almost worthless today. If China won't buy, who will buy?
Boss, it is getting complicated. Can't follow your T Bill line of thinking. Can you explain?
Americans, you should know, spend more than they earn.
Impossible, Boss.
Americans are good attempting the impossible. You may be a pauper - no job. no income,but you can buy huge mansions in the US.
Why dont you shift US? YOu also don't have a job. no income...
Stupid.
Did you say something nasty, Boss?
.. Nothing... nothing. Greedy bankers lend money eagerly even to those who simply cannot afford to pay even EMIs consistently..
Very interesting, Boss. How do they survive?
You mean the bankers?
Yes, Boss.
They convert the receivables into tradeable instruments and dispose of it to others. Thinking they have covered their backs.
Hmmm.
Interesting, no?
Looks like. What about payback? Who will pay whom on the due date?
Good question. Even a dog knows basics of economics..
Mind your language, Mister... Mind you, I am a co-tenant of my boss - a man who thinks he knows a lot of these economic gibberish.
You mean, me? Thanks. But I don't understand the cotenant part. What's that?
It's very simple, Boss. You and I are co-tenants of this world. This house. How, you want to ask? Hang on. Let me put it this way .... Why do you keep me as your conscience keeper?
Who says you are my conscience keeper? You are my pet. Nothing more, nothing less.
Tell me whom do you share your thoughts - metaphysical or otherwise? Me, na?
Hmmm.
Not even your family. Not even your colleagues? No? .. You use me as your sounding board... No?
Hmmm.
Is it not true that you are gaining some insight through our dialogues? Howevever occasional it may be.
Hmmm.
We more or less occupy the same mindscape, no?
Sort of.
Is it not true, you spend more time with me either in India or outside? Don't we talk daily almost thrice during walks on everything under the sun or moon or sky?
True, but...
During walks, I just listen to your loud thoughts is what you want to say, no?
Yes.
Tell me, is it not true you become silent when you are in the company of even your spouse - she complains no?
You are a master blaster... Fuggedit. I agree that you are a cotenant. Let's return to business.
If China stops buying T Bills of US, Obama will go nuts. So it has to prop up Washington currency as well. Don't know how long.
What about India?
India has a huge domestic economy. China also had, but ignored for a long time. Now woken up to tap this potential. If foreigners have no money to buy, why not try their own kith and kin back home.
Boss, it makes a lot of sense. However, China has to give money to Americans to buy their stuff. Instead, now China is lending its own people to generate demand... right?
Zack, which business school you studied?
Am in the running for Nobel?
Shutup. Idiot. Overambitious.Do you know what Black Swan Nassib tells about economists?
No. What's he saying?
He says economists are bunch of jokers and idiots.
Let him say whatever he wants. It does not bother me. I know my onions, Boss.
So... China is helping its domestic economy to kickstart revival. India also.
What about the Gulf?
They have of late started looking inwards. Investing in infrastructure development withuot losing steam though meltdown has affected them badly.
Haan..Are they not affected due to the huge fall in oil prices - from 147 to 63 dollars a barrel?
Yes, Zack. But they will survive becoz the actual cost of a barrel costs very little. But when loaded with developmental costs, it goes up. Even 40 dollars is more than sufficient to keep them afloat.
Coming back, why you are happy?
Zack, when the engines of Chinese and Indian eocnomy begin to roar, they need energy.Alternate energy sources development will take ages. So oil is the only alternate. So demand for oil is bound to go up. It is good news for gulf.
So what?
A huge chunk of indians work in the Gulf. And they are now back home due to recession in Gulf also. When oil prices go up, projects will resume work and they may return. More forex remittance. Good for them. Good for India.
Good for you also, no? Boss?
Sort of. ... Hey, are you leaving...
Yeah.
Going where? Zack?
For a lecture at FICCI.
Wat?
The business lobbyists have invited Finance Minister Pranabda to talk about new govt, new challenges. Am going.
What about CII? Are they not
.. hosting their meet with FM?
Yeah, Zack.
Yes, they will. But they lost the race to Ficci.
How?
Because FICCI general secretary is a Bong. Pranabda, you know...
What a judgement, Zack. Good luck! Come back soon.
Bye, Boss.

Wat's in your neck-bag?

Rossogulla..... You know why, Boss!

Conversations - 13

Boss, are you there?....

Boss….

Hello, Zack! Is that you?

Yes, Boss. How are you?

Fine. Tell me, how’s you?

Rotting in Delhi with intermittent power supply!

It’s more than two weeks, we parted. Zack, I miss you.

Me too.

Do you know, this morning, I saw a lady walking her dog..

Boss, you saw the lady with the dog or dog with the lady? Be specific!

Naughty boy! An old lady with a Dalmatian.

You mean older than you?

Stop pulling my legs, Zack.

How’s life in Dubai?

Am enjoying to the hilt! Tell me, why did you call?

Is there need to have a reason to touch base with you, Boss?

No, you’re most welcome.

I felt like talking to you. So am talking to you now.

Nobody at home?

Your daughter is sleeping after burning midnight oil! And madam too. Too tired keeping a vigil on your daughter.

Hmmm.

You still not answer my question: how is Dubai?

It’s more cosmopolitan than Muscat which you had the privilege of living with me for five months. And more Filipinos and Pakistanis. Every second guy you bump into is from Philippines. Or every taxi driver is from Pakistan.

What’s Filipinos?

People from the Philippines. It’s a country. Like I am an Indian becoz I am from India, you know?

Oh!

Do you know Emiratis (the natives) are only 20 per cent.

20 per cent? What does it mean?

Dumbo! It means that if you meet five people on road, only one of them will be an Emirati.

Tell me, why you should meet five people to meet one Emi… whatever?

Forget it. You talk like Zoher!

Who… the Zoher in Muscat who used to jump whenever he sees me?

Yes. The same guy!

What happened to him?

Nothing. I just mentioned his name. Well, you did not tell me why u called…

Boss, …. Feeling a bit shy.

Come on. Tell me. Man to man…

Six months ago, in Muscat, you talked about arranging a mating session with a bitch…

Yeah. But we decided to pack up and leave, you know

I know. But you’ve forgotten or ignored my needs…. My physical needs.

Don’t worry. I will get it arranged in Delhi soon. Okay?

You’re great, Boss. You understand my genuine concerns. I miss you a lot.

Enuf buttering.

Boss, when are you coming to Delhi?

Whenever you send me a ticket, Zack!

You don’t need a cage – like me?

My foot! Haha! Bye, Zack!

Bye, Boss!

Conversations-12

Yes, we can. …. Yes, we can….. Yes, we can…..

Enuf, Zack. Enuf!

What’s bugging you, Boss? Why you getting itchy?

Itchy? My foot. Stop imitating Obama.

Ah! You don’t like his pet phrase, “Yes, we can” which he beautifully orchestrated in his victory speech at Chicago?

Not a question of like or dislike.

Then, what?

Nothing.

No, no. Something is bugging you. Come clean, please!

You’re incorrigible, Zack.

Boss, don’t be a hypocrite. Sallu uncle told me you were crying bucketful while hearing Obie….

Who’s Sallu uncle? You mean, Salman Khan?

Don’t act funny. You know I mean Salman Syed uncle, your colleague at office.

Ooof!

Tell me, did you cry or not hearing Obie?

Is it confession time or what?

Whatever.

Listen. It was tears of joy. Tears of emotion. Tears of relief. That a Black …

Stop it. No Black etc. Afro-American, he is. You are talking like the CNN anchors. Maybe calling Obie the first Black president-elect sounds easy on their tongues than the first Afro-American president-elect.

I was not alone, buddy. Reverend Jesse Jackson wept silently. Oprah Winfrey also. A lot of others.

Trying to tell me that you were in that Big League, huh?

Trying to tell your bird-brain that it is no crime to shed tears.

Boss, mind your tongue. Tina is not around does not mean you go on the offensive. I represent her in absentia.

By the way, where is Tina?

Tina has gone visiting her folks, for a change. You know, Tina is also Obie fan. Actually she flew out in joy to shake her legs to celebrate the US elections.
Omigod, the world has gone crazy really. The American election is like circus. Won’t be surprised if someone were to tell that polar bears entered the Eskimo tents to catch a few glimpses of the nail-biting election results night. Crazy.

Sarky, na?

You mean Sarkozy?

Sarcastic, I said. Not the French prez. Huh, that reminds me of Carla Bruni. Not seen or heard of late.

With Michelle Obama becoming the first Black – Ok…. First Afro-American Lady, the limelight will be on her for sometime.

Boss, did you notice her wardrobe that night?Fabulous red and Afro-…. Sorry, red and black.

Nothing spectacular. Typical the neighbourhood dress. I like it. No fashionista stuff. Thank God!

Yeah, she was wearing a black cardigan over a scoop-neck black sheath with splashes of red in the upper and lower half separated by a band of black at the hips.

You know someone said Michelle’s dress sense was atrocious. A fashion guru aptly put it when he said that her dress said,”be who you are. Don’t let someone else tell you how to be.”

The kids: Malia and Sasha were just that: kids. Unpretentious. Adorable.

Zack, can I tell you something...

Go ahead, Boss. You need no permission from me!

Watching this Obama family reminded me of JFK and his foursome family in the 1960s. He was equally youthful, charming and adorable.

JFK? Who’s he?

He was the President in the 1960s before falling a victim to an assassin’s bullet on November 22, 1963. A Democrat again. I still recall a pix wherein John Kennedy is busy working at his table and the kids play under his table. A remarkable photo….

What happened? Why are you crying?

Get lost, Zack. Leave me alone, pleeze!

Ok, Boss. Take care.

Conversations-11

You must be the only dog in the world that washes its legs after an outing, Zack!

Tina, you bird-brained! What’s wrong with washing one’s feet after an outing? Boss does it. His family does it. Hygiene, buddy! You shit, sleep and live in the same cage. You’ll never understand the niceties of grooming!

Haha!

May I ask you the raison d’etre for your second round of guffaw?

Your Boss is thinking aloud about Fashion & Lifestyle. Am I right? …. I know you are privy to his thoughts as he blabbers in the morning as he trots along with you during morning walks. Zack, you’ve picked up some nuggets – say, niceties, grooming for example and throwing those catch phrases at me to impress and signal that you are a much more refined product from the Maker’s lab than me! Stop this crap!

Ok. You’re jealous. You’re going to be lonely for a fortnight or so soon….

Why? Are they sending me out!

Tina, fuggedit… I am escorting Boss to Muscat.

What where in your previous birth?...

Why, darling?

Travel is written on your forehead. A few months ago, you were in Bahrain. Now to Muscat.

What to do, Tina? Boss needs my company! Some intellectual counterpart, you know!

It is going to be lonely moreso…

Why?

Your Boss and you are out to Muscat. The Family will be out for Lucknow for a wedding. For a week, I will be alone.

What you plan to do?

Catch up with some reading, of course!

Reading! You’re not even my thumbsize! How will you hold the book?

Dog brains don’t understand ….

Mind your language, Tina. Ok. Which one you plan to read?

Your Boss is reading Desmond Morris on Human Beings and their body language. Let me gain some knowledge.

By the way, I will leave a few sheets of Sneha delicacies to savour. Whether you will get to taste them or not, at least, read her tongue-tickling copy.

Who’s Sneha?

Boss’s new intel-pal.

What’s that?

Intellect friend. She writes on delicacies. Remember a few weeks ago, she wrote about Dog delicacies that made you terribly happy!

Oh, you mean that? What’s she upto these days?

Heard of Shark Soup? Fugu fish? She relishes writing about these delicacies. I wonder whether she has tasted any of these stuff. I won’t be surprised if she is a vegan.

If so, how can she write about something she does not experience?

That’s modern day journalism… Someone experiences and notes down his/her thoughts. You hijack those thoughts from the net and rewrite.

What net?

Internet, dumbo! (laughs)

Why are you laughing, Zack?

Remembered Boss’s favourite story on experience…

What’s that?

Heard of Adi Shankara?

Who’s he or she?

Idiot, it is He.

Ok. What’s the story?

Shankara was engaged in a serious debate with a Buddhist couple. He was on a winning spree, but got stumped on one issue.

What’s that?

Shankara, you must understand, is a celibate.

What’s celibate?

Celibate or celibacy means he has never touched a woman in his life.

So?

The discussion turned towards marriage and family and Shankara was on his bes until thent. But…

What?

The couple retorted saying that how can a Bachelor or celibate can have more knowledge than a married couple on physical intimacy. Pure bookish knowledge is no substitute for experience.

So, what happened?

Shankara was stumped, as I told you a few minutes ago.

Hmm.

Then Shankara got into the body of someone who just died and experienced what marital bliss is all about. Came back and spoke with a lot of personal experience and …

He won the debate, right?

You’re getting smarter, Tina!

Why are we talking about Shankara?

Remember Sneha’s recipe? That’s the context.

Who was your Boss talking to?

Ritwik Sinha, his buddy! Ritwik works for a B-2-B travel magazine. He was narrating to Boss that a tourism board chairman gave him a lot of positive info about his state. When Ritwik landed in the state to be covered, what he experienced was totally different from what he was told! He has to change the entire angle of the story! He was trying to tell Boss that seeing is believing! Don’t write a word unless you have seen it!

Your Boss is stupid!

Why?

Come here. Can you see the blue sky?

Yes.

Can you see the full moon over Qutub Minar?

Yes.

Do you know some men landed on that strip a few years ago?

I don’t know. But Boss knows, I am sure.

Yes, your Boss knows. And believes that to be true.

Ok. What are you driving at?

Has your Boss been to Moon?

No.

If so, Boss has no Moon experience. Right?

Yes.

If yes, how can your Boss say the people have really landed on Moon?

Understandable. I will check out with him in Muscat and post you with progress.

What progress?

Oof! Slip of my tongue. Boss is contemplating the theme for next Progress Oman and asking for ideas from me.

Your ego is much larger than your Boss’s.

Ms Birdbrain, see you. Bye, bye!

More to continue….

Conversations-10

Zack, what happened to your Boss? He is terribly silent. Not even lifting daily newspapers. They are lying unopened or I see you flipping through as if you’re a scholar.

Tina, I asked him the same question the day he returned from Bahrain. He got up and left his seat to go …

I know… I know … He went to sleep.

Only chirkut like you go to sleep at the drop of a grain. Not enlightened souls like my Boss. When he closes his eyes, Tina, he does not sleep. Goes into meditation. Day or night.

That man has brainwashed you nicely. Pity you.

You bird-brained. You’ never understand. Nevertheless, I was rummaging through his bags last night and found the answer to his deep silence.

What? You found out the reason?

You bet. I did. I know the secret.

What’s it? Can you share it with me?

Why not? Knowledge is to be shared. He’s greatly influenced by the Black Swan writer.

Black Swan? What’s that?

Forgetit. What’s important is what he has written.

What has he written that made your Boss to stop reading newspapers?

Listen to this passage from Nassim Nicholas Taleb: “I then completely gave up reading newspapers and watching television, which freed up a considerable amount of time (say, one hour or more a day, enough time to read more than a hundred additional books per year, which after a couple of decades, starts mounting). But this argument was not quite the entire reason for my dictum in this book to avoid the newspapers, as we will see further benefits in avoiding the toxicity of information. It was initially a great excuse to avoid keeping up with the minutiae of business, a perfect alibi since I found nothing interesting about the details of the business world-inelegant, dull, pompous, greedy, unintellectual, selfish and boring.”

Hmm.

Yes, that prompted him perhaps to stop reading newspapers.

But I saw a carton which Boss’s daughter was moving around the house.

You’re smart. And observant. While Taleb has said ‘no’ to newspapers, he has not said ‘la’ to magazines! So, Boss brought a cartload of magazines to read….

Idiot!

What did you say?

Idiot!

You mean my Boss?

Of course, Zack!

Can I ask for reasons?

You can. And You have. Let me tell you. From what I make out, your Boss is a confused entity. He cannot give up reading.

Why not?

Then what he will write?

Hmm.

You have to understand this clearly. For any writer to write, he has to read. Your Boss is a writer. Good, bad, indifferent is a different question to tackle. But basically a writer. So he has to read. If not newspapers, then something else. It is just a question of time before he returns to newspapers. Can’t stay away for too long.

Why not?

We birds know it. You dogs know it. You and I don’t have to read something to strike a conversation. If we are friends, we can just sit without any conversation and not feeling bad. But the human kind or mind works differently. They cannot afford to sit silently in a room without opening their oral trapdoor and talk something. To engage in a conversation, you need something. That something comes out of newspapers or books. Got it?

I must tell you something, Tina. You’re definitely not a chirkut or birdbrained. Forgive me for underestimating your intelligence. By the way, how did you gain this wisdom?

What wisdom?

Whatever… What you just spoke about the human trait etc.

Listen. You accept we are flying creatures?

Yes.

What do you get when fly in the sky?

What?

A bird eye view. A broad picture. What we get to see, even you cannot. Know why? Because your vision is pretty narrow.

True, Tina…. But tell me. You’ve been inside the Mansion for long. Wonder when did you fly to get a bird eyeview.

Zack, it is in our genes. It is hardwired in your DNA. I can see the world without seeing. I can watch happenings without watching.

You sound philosophical. Am getting worried.

Relax, Zack. You are equally enlightened. Only thing is that you are unaware.

You mean, you know, but you still don’t know.

That’s it….

Let me have some water. Very confusing and my head is reeling.
(Zack finishes off the bowl of water in one swig and returns)

Are you okay?

Oh sure. You made me think deeply. Not that I don’t in the past. If you birds can do, we dogs can equally do. After all, the same superpower that created you also has an hand in making me. Only looks and behaviours are different. Otherwise, birds and dogs are one and the same.

Now you sound philosophical!

On second thoughts, philosophical does not mean something extraordinary. But making sense out of the ordinary. When you look deeply into issues, you get to see that was apparent to the naked eye, still not visible. Conditioning oneself to see things in its true and original form.

(A bark outside)

That’s Leila from upstairs. She is elder to me, but shies away. I am not interested in her at all.

What’s wrong with her? I have seen. She is fair. And Lean.

She eats non-vegetarian stuff. Fish, Mutton, Chicken.

You don’t because of your Boss. He is a vegetarian and has turned you into one.

That’s not fair to him and his family. They feed me boiled egg every weekend. Feed me chicken flavoured stix.

You’ve not tasted blood, Zack! Am I right?

No. You’re not right. I have bitten Boss’ madam several times and tasted blood.

How can you do that? I mean biting Boss’ madam…

Am bit afraid of her. Sometimes she terrifies me and make me feel low. I retaliate by attacking her.

How frequently?

Once a month at least.

How does she react?

For two days she will remain aloof. Not feed me directly. She will cook and ask Boss or his daughter to feed me. Even take me out for my nightly walks, but no talks. Silent walkathons.

How do you patch up?

Nothing great. It just happens. On Day 3, I wag my tail when she leaves for office and pull her dupatta. Make her feel that I love her. I truly respect her. And in the evening when she returns from office, I shout at her for coming so late! She feels happy and we regain normalcy.

Till the next bite? Haha!

You can say so.

Have you ever bitten Boss?

Once. Only once. I felt very sorry after that episode.

Did you apologise?

Don’t know how to do that. Don’t worry. Then I read his blog on his learnings from that biting lesson and almost burst into tears.

Will you mind biting him again?

…. Hmmm….. Why not?

What?

Why not? If my biting can make him learn something new in life. Why not? Hahaha!

More to come

Conversations-9

Hey Zack, how was your outing with your GF?

No great shakes, birdie! A bland routine call. She wanted a few bucks to tide over some personal hygiene purchase stuff…. Month end, you know? Forget it. You will never know.

Don’t get hyper. I know you, doggie! … Oops! Sorry.

That’s the spirit.

You are supposed to tell me Vinod Uncle’s weekend happenings?

Why not? .. Hang on. Let me satiate my thirst.

(in whispers) Look at how he is slurping milk from the bowl. Cold stuff. I can drink with my beak with less noise. See he is using his tongue – making a lot of noise. Indecent doggie! Talks as if he is great guy! Show guy!

Ready?

Of course.

Let me tell what they – Uncle Vinod and Boss – did this weekend. Their job got over partially – the English part and they wanted to chill out with those who helped them.

You know their colleagues?

Some I know. Some I don’t. Does not make a difference. Whoever the unknowns, the party is ours – I mean Uncle Vinod and Boss. I know how they behave. Past experience.

What they did?

Here’s something I will read it to you. It is from Boss. “Once again, Vinod was insisting me to go to that Mallu joint – Kalpaka”

What is Mallu joint? What is Kalpaka?

People from Kerala are called Mallus affectionately. Very enterprising people. Kalpaka is a three star restau-bar in Bahrain. Restau-bar is where they serve liquor and food. Understand?

Yes. Why Boss does not like Mallu joints?

He does not like Mallu food. Boiled rice, too much coconut in everything. … He is married to Palghat Brahmin. So he cannot afford to hate Mallus. Once I overheard that Boss’s parents lived in Palghat before he was born.

Must have been a century ago.

Mind your tongue. Boss is not 100 years old. He is young at heart and soul.

Okay. Let us not fight over unnecessary things. What they did at Kalpaka?

What a stupid question to ask? What you do when a bowl of grains and water is kept in front of you? Use your birdy brain… You eat… You drink. Isn’t it? … Men do the same thing.

They eat grains and drink water? Then what is the big deal?

Brilliant question. While you and I eat and drink and relax, men make a mess. Let me put it this way: they make an ass of themselves. They dance. They talk louder. Absolutely meaningless talk. Boast and brag. Imagine things and tell tales.

You mean they begin to act?

You can say that…

Are you hinting your Boss was not his sober self?

I won’t be surprised. Men when drunk do all such things. … I have authoritative info on that. One, theoretical. Another practical. Can I share with you? You won’t tell anyone? Agree?

Done. It’s a promise.

You know Boss’ daughter studying psychology?

Everybody tells so. Never seen her touch a book on psychology. I can say this authoritatively becoz I live in her study-cum-living room. Most of the time she spends painting pictures. Nude pictures. Some pictures I can’t make head or tail of it – what she keeps talking about as ‘abstract’. Listening to some stupid hard rock. Bloody noisy stuff. Meaningless lyrics. So, what about her?

I crosschecked with her about what happens to men when they get drunk. She read out a passage from one of her most-thumbed through book. From my understanding, their brains go berserk when sozzled up. So they forget their normal behaviour and act funnily.

Okay. What is the practical evidence?

Again a secret. Don’t tell a soul.

You’ve my word.

Boss’s madam one day shouted at him. “Everytime I have to clean the toilet. You don’t. Why don’t you at lease once in a while?” Boss replied that he won’t. Madam retorted: “Remember that night when you were sozzled up and puked all over your shirt, pant when Frank and Unni visited 15 years ago? Remember that night when I took you inside the washing room, you fell almost into the shitting bowl and blathered?”

Migod! You spy on your Boss’ family. Blasphemous.

Look. Get this straight. I was not even born when these incidents happened. I heard from Boss’s wife. I am sharing with you. Another incident: A few years ago, Boss lost his job and could not get another one due to recession. Don’t ask what recession is? I will explain on another occasion. One night, I heard Boss’s wife telling the visitor: “Faisal, You remember that day when he (Boss) was crawling on all four inside the house and telling us to ‘get Faisal immediately. I want to meet him now’. You know it was 2 a. m. in the night and my daughter pulled you out of bed from your Noida residence and you came rushing in a taxi. He hugged you and cried a lot. You stayed that night. He (Boss) was drunk fully that night. Next morning, he woke up and behaved as if nothing had happened the previous night. He asked you, “when did you come? Something urgent? Any problems at your end?”

Oops!

Now you know what happens to men when they are drunk.

Chilling, Zack!

Okay. Listen to what happened at Bahrain during the current visit.

Of course, Am curious. Shoot.

Uncle Vinod and Boss arrived around 9 p.m. They joined a small gang – 5 of them out of which they knew only two souls. Soon the gang swelled to 10. They began drinking and chatting. Everybody was taking at the top of their voice to drown some Malayalam TV broadcast blaring at Kalpaka. Uncle Vinod spoke in Malayalam requesting the restau-bar female attendants (another catch for men to throng such places) in vain.

Hmm..

They had a ball till 3 a.m. (next morning). They were so drunk, my Boss lost his marbles!

What do you mean?

Listen. They were seated in a hall with wall sizemiror on both sides. Boss was getting worried because everybody was shouting at the top their voice. He felt the people at the huge table behind him might get upset. That group was also having a party. Same numbers. More or less same dress code. Same gestures. Ordered more or same food. He tried to hush hush the group to talk in lower voice so that people at the other table were not disturbed. Nobody was willing to listen.

Then?

At one point, he signaled at the female waitress. Don’t get ideas! He wanted water to refill his glasses. He lifted the empty water jug in one hand and used his other hand to point to the empty jar. He felt he was talking to her in person. Actually he was talking to her mirror image on the huge lifesize mirror in front of him.

Hmmm.

The waitress saw his gestures and came from behind – understand she came from behind with a huge water jug. Boss was looking into the mirror and thrust the empty jug just behind his back voluntarily. She filled the gap –standing behind him and left. Nobody noticed anything amiss.

After sometime, Uncle Vinod – who was seated exactly opposite Boss – got up to go to the washroom. That’s when Boss saw his own image in the mirror in front. Rubbed his eyes in disbelief. Just turned around to see what’s behind him. Know what he saw?

No. What?

There was nothing. He looked in front again. The mirror in front showed the image of our big group partying. His mind has played a trick, thanks to the liquor. Except us there was no other group in that section of restau-bar. He saw the image of our own group on the mirror in front and felt another group was partying just behind us. Haha!

Funny indeed.

When they reached the Guest House, it was 3.30 a.m. While Uncle Vinod sat to watch a bit of Indo-Australia match live from Adelaide, Boss hit the bed directly.

Did he go for his morning walk that morning?

No. He did not. But he woke up at his usual time 4 a.m.

Crazy guy. To do what?

He sat up and began reading stuff from the Gurgaon Gang, his Indian collaborators – on men, women and sex. Says the Gurgaon stuff is more intoxicating than what he imbibed from bottles! Says reading that stuff makes him feel he is in his 20s!

What about the dog meat story I overheard?

Oh. That’s nothing. Koreans love dog delicacies and he advised one of his contributors to write on that. Don’t get ideas that he is going to knock me off. Know why?

Why?

In one of his regular columns, he wrote that his family consists of 4 members: himself, his wife, daughter and – of course, me!

You are lucky!

What lucky? I adore him, birdie!

More to come…