Conversations-6

Boss, what happened to Vinod uncle?

Me: Why? what happened to Vinod? You see something that I don't see!

Did you not notice he has lost a lot of weight these days?

Me: No. .... (after a pause) ... you're right. He looks slim and trim.

Particularly after his trip to Bahrain.

Me: Now I understand what you mean!

What?

Me: It is the LWE effect.

Come on! Don't confuse me. What's LWE effect?

Me: Long Week End effect.

I dunno what you are talking.

Me: Let me put it this way. Describe a typical weekend in Oman.

For you? Or for the rest of Oman?

Me: For Oman, of course, dumbo!

By Thursday afternoon - say 2 p.m. - the entire Muscat is evacuated.

Me: What?

Sorry. It is an exaggeration. You don't get to see a soul or car on the road after 2 p.m. Thursday.

Me: Okay. Then?

A majority of them go home. Dine and sleep for a while. Watch a DVD. Expat bachelors congregate at other expat single/expat bachelors' airconditoned residence for partying. Loud music. Packaged food. Mountain Dew. Sohar Chips. Chicken, Mutton chops, etc.

Me: You are a terrific observer.

There are some who watch satellite TV channels the whole night and go for cricket practice near Khoula Hospital for a few hours on Friday mornings. Visit Ruwi or Al Shattr theatre to see Hindi/English movies in the evenings.

And expat blue colour workers from the subcontient meet over shared tea and samosas near Ruwi Street and talk and talk and talk.

Me: Enough.

What has Oman rundown got to do with Vinod's slimness?

Me: Good question, Mate!

No more mystery, Boss. Come to the point, pleeze!

Me: Okay. … Life in Bahrain is different, buddy. The weekends are long. L-O-N-G. It begins on Thursday afternoon and lasts till Saturday midnight. Two full days of abstinence from …. Hm.. work.

Absence of work means laziness and boredom, isn’t it?

Me: Maybe in your lexicon. Not for Vinod from Oman. His Long Weekend (LWE) agenda is pretty interesting. Wanna know how?

Yeah, yeah.

Me: Why don’t you ask him directly? He’s here. …. Hi Vinod! Wat’sup, dude?

Vinod: Hi Zack. All well?

Uncle, nice to see you. What happened to you?

Vinod: What happened to me? What do you mean?

Uncle, you look smart after your return from Bahrain.

Vinod: Oh, you mean the slim and trim look?

Yeah, uncle.

Vinod: Go to Bahrain for a week or 10 days alone and drive everyday to your place of work from your pad. Even your Boss will become half.

I don’t understand….

Vinod: Simple Zack. Am sure your man by now would have told you about LWE.

Oh sure.

Vinod: I step out of office after it becomes dark…

Me: Tell Zack that it turns dark at 4.30 p.m. in Bahrain in November-December. Otherwise, it will create a wrong impression that you work hard on Thursday afternoons also.

Vinod: Stop nitpicking, dude! … I reach my pad. Shower and step out around 8 p.m. Pick up your Boss from his abode and drive down to Seef Mall.

To buy something, uncle?

Me: Bullshit. Patience, please. Vinod, continue…

Vinod: We enter the Seef Mall complex and try to park our car.

Okay…

Vinod: We drive round and round…

Funny, na?

Vinod: We drive round and round…

Again?

Vinod: When did we stop? Even after 15 minutes we are unable to spot an empty parking slot… So…

Me: We drive round and round…

Okay. Let us assume that both of you have managed to find a slot and parked your vehicle. Then what?

Vinod: We enter through gate no. 6 after 10 minutes walk from the parked car.

Then what?

Me: What else, but …

Vinod: Walk, walk, walk…

No buying? Nothing?

Not affordable, buddy. We do a lot of window-shopping. Enter any cloth shop and feel the fibre. Look at the price tag. And..

Vinod: Look at each other and…

Me: Walk, Walk again.

Vinod: We walk into shoe mart and examine products on the rack. A pair of German-made loafers will cost a bomb. From the looks of sales guy, it is apparent that he knows our financial status. So, we are just ignored.

Then, Uncle?

Me: What else, we walk out … to walk again.

Vinod: We check out the price of chocolates and step out to walk again.

It appears you are on a walkathon program, Uncle.

Vinod: You’re smart, Zack. That’s what we do inside the Seef Mall which is spread over acres and acres.

Me: Tell him about our multiplex experience and the slimming therapy…

Vinod: You mean the forced fasting exercise?

Me: Yeah.

Am curious to know Uncle what Boss is talking about.

Wow! My Boss would have almost lived entire his Bahrain stay inside some multiplex or other…

Stop the jaw-dropping act and listen!

Don’t be sarcastic, Boss. Vinod uncle is really funny narrating the story.

Vinod: Zack, is it a story? Real life experience, dude!

Go ahead, Uncle.

Vinod: We pick a film randomly and buy tickets. As we step out, the counter assistant tells the theatre showing the film is at the other end.

I don’t understand, Uncle.

Vinod: It’s simple. Seef Mall has a 16 theatre multiplex.

Me: Simple. The multiplex has 10 theatres on one end and six at the other end.

Vinod: We are a bit hungry…

Me: What a bit hungry? We are starving. After hot lunch at Curry Country around 1 p.m., we ate nothing.

So, what you guys do?

Me: Vinod walks into the nearby MacDonalds and orders some veg and some non-veg stuff with a pair of cool colas to be consumed inside the auditorium.

That’s kewl, no?

Vinod: What cool? McDonalds guy takes almost 20 minutes and the movie is about to start in the next 3 minutes.

Me: And the theatre we have to reach is at the other end of the crowded mall. Half a kilometer away, perhaps?

Vinod: We grab and run… yes… run

Me: Vinod is a champion runner. He can easily represent our country at the Beijing Olympics!

Vinod: Okay, dude. Zack, we run as if the building is on fire becoz your Boss does not want to miss even the commercials before the film commences. Crazy guy.

Me: You will agree, Zack, commercials sometimes are far superior to the movies that follow.

Then what happens?

Vinod: We are stopped at the entrance to the multiplex at the other end…

Why?

Me: They don’t permit outside food into the auditorium.

Uncle, you said you were hungry….

Vinod: That’s the fact. We are deprived. We’ve food. Can’t eat. We are forced to store the piping hot Burger and chilled cola tub into a non-descript cupboard near the entrance.

Me: The theatre assistant prods us to eat and go…

Vinod: Your Boss vetoes becoz we are late.

Poor guys

Vinod: we watch the movie with hunger written on our faces.

How was the movie, by the by?

Vinod: Who watched the movie? I did not. Your Boss watched without blinking till the end, am sure.

Uncle, what did you do?

Vinod: Me? I slept till the fag end.

Why?

Me: Because he was dead tired from walking, walking …

Vinod: And hunger.

What happened to the food when you came out of auditorium?

Vinod: We picked up the cold, stale food and walked out.

Didn’t eat?

Vinod: We walked for 30 minutes .- 10 minutes inside the Mall and another 20 minutes to the car parking… And then swallowed the stuff.

Pitiable situation, Uncle!

Vinod: Now you know how I became presentable. Imagine I repeat this program on Friday and Saturday as well with or without your Boss in tow. I prefer to call this Walk-and-Starve Program. This way, even TunTun will become an Aishwarya Rai.

Who’s Tuntun, uncle?

Me: The fattest comedian of Bollywood in the good old days. I hope you know who Aishwarya is?

Don’t be insulting, Boss. I know the Bachan bahu!

Vinod: Zack is smarter than you, dude.

Me: Halt, man! You’ve not talked about working day workouts!

Vinod: That’s another story.

Uncle, pleeze!

Vinod: On weekdays, I come to office at 8 a.m.

Me: Which you never do in Oman.

Vinod: Oof. Parking is not a challenge in Oman. But it is in Bahrain. If I am late even by 5 minutes, I have to park my car half a kilometer away and …

Me: What else, but to walk.

Vinod: My problem is multiplied becoz as a sales guy, I have to keep going and coming. In a day, 5-6 trips in and out of office. So, half-a-kilometer walk one way per trip. Say 3 kilometres walk per day minimum.

Me: Sometimes, Vinod has to park his car in a multistoreyed parking lot and walk down 5-6 floors down becoz lifts may not be working.

What a sad story!

Vinod: What to do?

Then, why don’t you stick around with Oman?

Vinod: Are you mad? Bahrain is not Oman. Upmarket. Almost at par with Dubai, but marginally cheaper than Dubai.

Hmmm

Vinod: Long weekends, Zack! Malls, Restaurants, Curry Country, Sangeeta, Mysore Café, Multiplexes to sleep and snore. Many other A-T-T-R-A-C-T-I-O-N-S! Above all….

Above all, what Uncle?

Vinod: You become trim and slim.

Me: And pose like a model before a giant poster outside Seef Mall! What a creature you are, Vinod!

Vinod: Zack, how do you tolerate this man?

Take me to Bahrain, na, Uncle? I will give company on your walkathons…

More to come…